Mind of my Stroked Brain

I think we all have read many definitions of leaders and managers. If I generalize and simplify, we look towards good leaders for inspiration and vision and look towards good managers for efficiency and execution. We probably depended on good leaders for leading us to make decisions and policies and laws and so on. It goes without saying they had to be well educated, learned, informed, etc so that they could do the role well on behalf of a vast no of people - for whom it was not possible to fit that bill. Also, electing leaders is very cumbersome. There is a huge lead up campaigning/ canvassing, the actual election is demanding and expensive. I guess the 4-5 year term is to just take a breather before starting again. Currently, there are hoards of people protesting world over - All of them protesting because their "leaders" are doing their own thing and they have to live the consequences of the choices made for them. But frankly, do we need leaders today?. We do generally - I...

I remember seeing a visual several years ago on one of the nature channels... It involved a lion attacking a sort of some kind of a wild buffalo. Usually it is a foregone conclusion. In this instance though, the buffalo stood ground and fought back. Sure it has no claws and canines, but it had strong horns. Seeing it fight back, few others grew b***s. Always used to seeing every other buffalo running away, took note of this unexpected behaviour, turned around and joined in taking a poke at the lion. Eventually the lion gave up and the buffalo survived. The lion in this case was perplexed. It expected the buffalo to run - to be an easy game. The buffalo, as it had several generations of behaviour had to run. But it didn't, and lived! It probably takes a spine of 1 in a few billion to do that and change the course of what can be called fate...

Sometime back, I have mentioned about my OCD issues. It's not fair to blame everything on ocd. Before the stroke, I have wanted many many things to be done my way. When I didn't have it my way, I have most probably shared how it should be done right (my way of course) and why I think it is the right way to do it. When I had the stroke, the first of things was to learn to accept (compromise?) everything the way it was done. That doesn't mean I didn't have a view. I had a view on everything. I just couldn't convey anything. This was not even things to do for me - those I still lodged my protests throwing tantrums however I could. Even if I couldn't convey the (in my view) the right way, I would do sufficient fuss to convey my displeasure on things I didn't like. Everything else too which had nothing to do with me. Over a period of time, I kinda got to living a disassociated life. Sure, I was making a noise about things that impacted directly for me, but everyt...

My phone is a little over 4 years old. Everything works 100%. Just the battery is weak because of the age. It's not a problem either - it's not like i am going anywhere to be worried I will run out of juice. I just have to part with it a few more times during the day to recharge... Few months back, I had the urge to get a new phone. It was not a necessity by any measure - just a itch in the palm (colloquially speaking). But I could not get myself to do it. Before my stroke, I held a job with an IT company. It was reasonably stable. I earned ok generally - quite ok in India for a comfortable living. I was not the splurging type, but I didn't hesitate once in a while to buy things for me or my family - stuff on the surface that can be categorised as needless and wants. After my stroke, this was a big impact to me (besides the fact that I could not move ie 😂). I was no longer bringing in any more money. Sure there was savings, but the fuse for the bomb was lit. The wick would...

I stopped studying biology after 10th. I hated it. I avoided it very much - I liked things with wires. During and after engineering, I was an engineer in my mind, I would avoid biology stuff. In recent times, after 3 decades, I have realised I actually enjoy it. Understanding various things about humans/ animals/ etc. I realised it was a combination of the subject delivery that had brought the aversion which I built on top of. I spent 3 decades avoiding something because I had behaved according to an image of myself I had created.  There are many such things which I have not done because it is not me or my type , because I think so or others have told me so. I also regularly come across tons of messages, memes, Quotes, etc. everyday. They come in many shapes and forms - essentially meaning - " I am like this only, take it or leave it". I think we are all born a clean slate.   As we grow, we acquire many things - skills, thinking, stuff, roles, etc. The image starts slowly...

Today is Valentine's day. A good day to talk about the heart.  Something I learnt recently. The head is not the only organ in the body that has a brain - strictly speaking, "thinking" assumed to be attributed to neurons. Turns out there are nurons in the heart as well. About 40,000 of them. There are no other organs in the body (that we know of yet) that have nurons. Of course it may be incomparable to the brain - which has upwards of 100 billion of them. But a nuron is a nuron. However many. The heart and brain communicate all the time through the Vagus nerve; probably one of the most complicated of the nerves we have - as it controls very many major autonomous functions like heart function, lung function, digestion so on and so forth. As with most other things, we don't know what the heart perceives or tells the brain. But it has been shown in studies, when we experience feelings of love, compassion, etc., the Vagus nerve lights up. So the next time you say I did s...

When I got movements in my left hand - for a long time, I could only move the fingers and forearm. I had very little movements or strength in the shoulder to be able to lift the elbow from the bed - no matter how much I tried. This was very frustrating as i was still getting through the experience of itches and being unable to scratch and having to ignore it. However, once in a while, I would lift my hand and scratch my face. I would try this again but nada. Wouldn't happen. I would be hoping very much that nobody sees it. Whenever someone caught me doing it, the understandable conclusion was I am able to lift the hand and I was probably pretending other times to be unable to. It was a very logical conclusion - scratching somewhere is a voluntary thing. It used to upset me very much not to be able to communicate and convince anyone I could not do it voluntarily again. So it continued for sometime. Later it went away - not the itch and scratches, but the convincing others bit, as I ...