Mind of my Stroked Brain

For a very long time after my stroke (almost 3 years) I struggled with my state. Not that I was not able to accept what had happened, I had crossed that hump, but what it had made me become. I used to be very active before the stroke. Physically doing things and active generally. I used to play a lot of sports in my younger days - and good at it, or so I believed. Suddenly becoming bed ridden and being unable to do anything was a lot to deal with. I used to love foods and to cook. Being unable to do either was the insult on top of the injury! Sometime back (a few months ago I guess) it dawned on me that that the root cause of this misery was that fellow. Comparing everything with him. He died long ago - well and truly! I wouldn't say i was born that day fully, but this new me came to life. I didn't start with a blank slate, I still had a mind, a mindset, an IQ, an EQ etc. A personality overall. But I was a completely new person! I was lucky enough that I came alive with many of

I realised today that I have forgotten half my life. If every year is stacked up, I don't mean a horizontal cut of 23 years, but a vertical cut of half of everything every year. I think, when I (or anybody for that) recollect something from memory, there are 2 parts that make up the memory. One I will simply call the 'event' and the other part is the 'feeling'. By feeling, it is not the sensory feeling (which is physical and still the event) but a feeling that is non physical and happens in the mind, during or as a consequence of the event. Ex, you eat something you like, apart from the sensation, sight, smell and taste there is a feeling of joy and satisfaction of having it. I'll take another example. One of the first things I usually did in the morning was brush my teeth. I remember exactly what I did. Brush in the right, paste in the left, squeeze, rinse the mouth and brush for about 3 minutes before rinsing again. I actually remember the order in which I use

My dreams are pretty weird.. i dont mean in the traditional sense...im sure everyone dreams senseless.. its weird where it plays out..  From the time ive had the stroke, no matter the weirdness of the storyline, it plays out in only in 3 places 1. My old  house, before renovation 2. my grandmothers house, and the lane near it. 3. The playground/ basketball ground in my high school Its so weird, i have lived in so many houses, in so many places, practically lived in play grounds everyday, but zilch, nada.. nothing ever figures in my stories.. all the people i ever knew feature, but only these 3 places. Also, what all i remember baffles me. So much detail it sometimes scares me. I can remember even the cobweb pattern on the metal grill of a ventilator , which you could only see from the roof.. the design and print of the old carpet incl where all it had got worn out, the list is endless... So, the memories were always there i had just forgotten how to access them. The stroke somehow rewi