Mind of my Stroked Brain

 I have had a couple of folks (friends & family) come home in the past few weeks. Visiting after a few months - after about 6+ months at least. They have all remarked that I have improved . Now it could be 2 things:   1. They are just being nice and making conversation 2. They are telling the truth and they actually see some improvement I'll give them the benefit of doubt that they are indeed seeing something that has improved. When most folks come home and see me, I am not lying on my bed in my room but plonked on the wheelchair and in the living room. I have a pillow on my legs to cover the mess that happens underneath and I will typically be pushed to the dining table so waist down, nothing is visible really and they get to see mostly my face and upper body with only my left hand moving. So, it leaves me wondering what improvement are they seeing? When I had my stroke, my face was very very disfigured as most of my facial muscles couldn't move and most of them had spasm...

Many folks have remarked to me that I have become very pessimistic  and don't acknowledge the small progress I am making. I understand how it looks from the outside. Eg, when I started slightly moving my limb, I was not willing to accept that it was voluntary and not an involuntary movement. It was not possible to fake it. There are even videos to show and prove to me what I was not admitting. Few days back, my wife observed me sitting and remarked that I was sitting with my back more straight than earlier. Today, I simply struggled to sit, let alone straight. It was not that I was feeling weak or tired in my back, I had no clue how anymore to have control over my back to even try. The other day, my balance was so off, that everytime they propped me up to sit, I was feeling a strong pull, for no reason, and simply falling to my right side. So, when someone says, I am able to sit for sometime, without support, how am I supposed to affirm the same... Even if I know I can do it someti...