Mind of my Stroked Brain

I loved food. Any kind as long as it was vegetarian. It has been that way ever since I have been a kid. I don't remember me fussing to eat anything. This was only passive consumption. For almost a decade before my stroke, the love for food xhanged from passive consumption to active experience and experimentation with food. I used to love cooking - especially without any recepie and just try various things and see how it turned out. I loved entertaining and feeding others as well. For the past 4½ years, I have been having only fluids through a tube - initially it was a ryles tube through the nose and almost 4y afterwards through the peg tube to my stomach. When I had the stroke, after coming out of the disoriented and confused state, one of the first things for the mind to come to terms with was not being able to swallow and consume anything. Water, food etc. Not even my own saliva. It was very disturbing to see others eat foods, gulp down water, have a hot cuppa, etc. After sometim

In the initial days of stroke, i used to get very emotional when anyone had food or drink in front of me. I used to feel so very bad. It was gut wenching to struggle with a spoon of water and have someone glug down bottles of water.. or hearing which dishes were better at some restaurant or hear arguments as to what to order from swiggy... Then i came home and everyone did a phenomenal job in being considerate not eating or bringing any food in front of me, except for the occassional tea. Coffee was still banned, fearing the aroma would set me off ( i still had the trac and couldnt smell anything). My poor daughter still struggles to hide the junk she eats.. Over a period i realised i was not that which triggered it when i saw foods. I thought over time i have adjusted and become less emotional. But that wasnt the case. I have realised that the desire to eat something, apart from feeling hungry, is complex. Its like going to a restaurant and being given a menu. When you order something