Mind of my Stroked Brain

I hear news of someone who has passed all the time. It is sad news no doubt - about anyone. It is indeed even more sad for the immediate family who have had a lot of closeness with the person who has passed. It is especially tragic when it was an accident or unexpected and sudden. However, when it is a reasonably old person or somebody having a illness and has suffered for a long time passing - why do we feel sad? I certainly don't rejoice and feel happy about it, but I don't feel sad either. If I know they were not well and suffering from a while, a part of me actually feels good and a sense of relief for the person. Why do folks go out of the way to retain/ hold back someone if they are not ok or suffering and arguably have had a full life. I don't know if I am cruel to think/ feel this way... If we have a long life, anyway it is still a flash in the pan in real terms of the universe and time...

Yesterday my dad passed. I'm sad he is not amongst us anymore. But I'm not grief stricken. He was 86. But for the past few months, he was absolutely independent. While he had his share of health issues, he was ok generally. While not an excess, he had a comfortable life. In all, i feel he had a full life. Yes, i feel bad he is no more, but equally I'm glad his suffering was not prolonged further. I cried sometimes after he passed, questioning myself what I'm crying about.    I did question myself if I'd do more for him if i knew 86 was the limit, well, I'd do a lot of things differently if i could foretell things... I guess that's a futile line of thinking... I did feel extremely sad though that i couldn't do the last rites, that i couldn't comfort my mom, help Chitra with everything, Hug Maya when she was crying and tell her its ok. Just participate... That also I'm getting better at feeling numb. Everytime I'm unable to participate, a part ...