20220218: financial freedom

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My phone is a little over 4 years old. Everything works 100%. Just the battery is weak because of the age. It's not a problem either - it's not like i am going anywhere to be worried I will run out of juice. I just have to part with it a few more times during the day to recharge...

Few months back, I had the urge to get a new phone. It was not a necessity by any measure - just a itch in the palm (colloquially speaking).

But I could not get myself to do it.


Before my stroke, I held a job with an IT company. It was reasonably stable. I earned ok generally - quite ok in India for a comfortable living.

I was not the splurging type, but I didn't hesitate once in a while to buy things for me or my family - stuff on the surface that can be categorised as needless and wants.

After my stroke, this was a big impact to me (besides the fact that I could not move ie 😂).

I was no longer bringing in any more money.

Sure there was savings, but the fuse for the bomb was lit. The wick would reach the core sometime - however slow it burnt.

Of course my dear wife is doing all the hard work now and bringing in the dough, my parents have been helping too and many good people have offered help..

Neither has my wife or my parents or anyone ever told me how to spend or what to spend on or restricted me in any way. I have access to it myself and can use it as I please.

But it is not the same. There is a self imposed restriction in the mind. I don't think any amount of anybody saying it will not matter will put it to ease.

It doesn't matter how much money I can spend also. Physical access does not mean mental access and freedom.

Generally (very generally speaking), it is assumed 1 person works and rakes in the moola whilst other dependents will have the same freedom to use it. 

I have learnt (the hard way), giving access to money to someone and allowing to spend it is not the same as giving financial freedom to the mind...



PS: what happened to the itch? Well the years of ignoring practice didn't help. I succumbed and scratched... I finally shamelessly asked my dear sister to get me one and she is uncomplainingly getting me one this weekend....    


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