20210705 : 3pm torture
Around 3:00pm is my daily torture and I dread it. It's the time they give me half a glass of juice or water orally for swallowing. Half a spoon at a time. Every day I secretly hope that they have forgotten, but the glass emerges without fail. Every spoon, or every other attempt, the fluid aspirates (goes into the wind pipe), causing violent cough and a very painful struggle. After the nightmare for sometime, comes the next spoonful and I have to open the mouth, knowing fully well what follows next. Most days I have to stop after a few spoons as it's unbearable. After this, I swear to myself that I won't go through this torture again and send harsh messages to my wife that I will not undergo this (self inflicted torture) daily and not to give anything next day... Next day, is another day, and like someone seeking pleasure in pain, I go about it all over again, with a small hope that this day might be better forgetting what yesterday was like... PS: before I can trust in God,