Mind of my Stroked Brain

Hello all, Apologies in advance as this will kick up some dust or offend others. But its a thought thats been bothering me for a long time now and rather than avoid it, as i was not coming up with any answers, i thought I should put it out and see if i find something... It's a very philosophical question, but very real and not hypothetical .. When i had my stroke, i was depressed, frustrated, desperate, etc. and hoped everyday would somehow be the last .. just couldn't bear the thought of carrying on... It could have been anyone, i just pulled the short straw... Fast forward 26 months and I'm no longer depressed, or desperate, or frustrated , but the thought of "pulling the plug" remains... Now, its a very rational and pracital question... For more than 2 years i have seen everyone around me struggle. The emotional burden i have become and not to mention the financial ruin i have set everyone in... Of course everyone around me will deny its a problem and carry on.

I have considered pullin the plug many times. Its very sad when you have made up your mind but cant even see it through. Give the most potent poison and i cant swallow, the most effective implements and i can weild none.. i have begged many times to no avail... I have on occasions considered pulling all the tubes.. but i know that'll only take me as far as the ICU, which is hell on earth. Besides I have seen enough patients with their hands tied up, thats what happens if you dont succeed all the way!! So its just waiting for the limbs to get stronger. Even that is crawling along...