Mind of my Stroked Brain

During this rehab, I have encountered two kinds of effort. Effort of the mind and effort of the body or muscle. When we do something, it is very hard to discern the difference - because they happen together. Instantaneous! Ex, we usually think we want to move the hand and it instantly moves. It is absolutely difficult to discern that we first had to think of it and that thought caused it to move. This is a voluntary action - it is practically impossible to realise it for autonomous actions. Ex, swallowing, voicing, closing the nose when we blow, etc. However, with my case of the stroke and consequent condition, the two have been very very amplified. Sometimes there is as much as a 2 second gap between my thought and causing the action - however little. It is extremely effort intensive and draining to do it. I have never managed to sustain the effort or intention or will beyond about 2 seconds. It is not like thinking of something - like many times said in meditation. To focus on someth

In recent times, I have encountered the phrase "running around like headless chicken" and each time I have thought, surely whoever coined that phrase had no idea - the headless chicken is not running anywhere, period. It got me thinking on another thing - "muscle memory". Something I have heard so many times. And have taken for granted a lot. Every indication now was contrary to that understanding. If my muscles, for all their repetitions of so many things had done , had an iota of memory, something would have moved. Sure, they have memory. Every cell has dna which is a record or memory of the entire body. But it is purely biological. Unconscious. There was no conscious memory. Here is my thinking: We can regularly exercise and feed it nutritional food. But we can only make muscles strong, flexible, agile, etc. But memory, no way. Without the brain or mind more specifically, they are nothing. When Neeraj Chopra threw the Javelin, he didn't know the angle, he did

So, this is what i have experienced/ observed as the stages in rehabilitation.  Stage 0 is when you can neither move/ control the muscle. You can't even feel  it. Note: these are not just the big ones we know of, like biceps, triceps, hamstring,calf etc. Its every hundreds of small ones we never knew existed. Stage 1: is when they do passive movements. Just multiple movement of the same muscle. They supplement it with electric stimulation to trigger movement of the targeted muscle. It could take 6 - 8 months typically. Many of my left side muscles are still in this stage ,even at 2 years... Stage 2: is when the muscle gets some involuntary movements. It feels really weird and crazy to feel some part of  you twiching uncontrollably..i am guessing this is when the brain is doing trial and error connecting and having fun. I have noticed it very short time for a few muscles and months for others. ..its not the reaction when someone touches or moves the muscle, it has to move on its own