Mind of my Stroked Brain

Sometime in 2015 (I think late 2015), I started saying a chant. I don't know if it is a chant/ sloka/ mantra/ prayer etc., I refer to it as a chant going forward. I started saying it. Once everyday definitely and sometimes more than once a day if I felt like it.  It was quite a long chant in Sanskrit with 185 stanzas if I remember correctly. I have heard many famous musicians recite it in many different ways. I had not liked any of them. There was one particular rendition I had liked a lot . It was very slow, very clear and he had a very good voice. That particular rendition took 42 minutes . At a regular pace and not loudly but a silent chant would take about 16-18 minutes for me. When I learnt it, i think it took me something like 2½ months to finally remember it and recite it in one go. When I started with it, it seemed like an impossible task. I think what helped was engaging as many senses as I could to make the impressions on my mind. I used to read it, play the chant on my p

Every night, just before I sleep, I pray. That must sound unlike me, but yes. I do chant a small prayer exactly 32 times. For those who know it - its "रामस्कंदुम हनुमंतम ..." When I had the stroke, the spincter muscles at the base and top of the oesophagus I guess had no idea what to do, so I used to have a lot of regurgitation. After every feed, something would happen and the abdomen would squeeze 3-4 times. It would happen after every feed. The result - whatever was in the stomach (good amount of it I guess) would definitely come up to the throat. After coming up to the throat, it would inevitably go into the wind pipe. All joy for sometime after. When I had the trachiostomy, there was a tube to the wind pipe and they could suction it out . Vacuum clean the wind pipe. Once the trachiostomy was removed, I had to cough everything up. It used to be a horrible nightmare. I used to dread being fed everytime. That was my biggest fear/ worry to get the trachiostomy removed. I coul