Mind of my Stroked Brain

Most of the times I am ok, calm and composed. It's like the surface of the smooth running river. That doesn't mean there are no turbulent currents below the surface. I don't think about what happened, how did it happen, why me, etc., etc. I haven't been immune to those thoughts - I just have moved on from them. The thoughts that haunt me often is what next. There are too many of those in different varieties. Every day is very long and very short. Very long as it is struggle to get through. Very short as there is no variation. Every hour is predetermined and every day exactly like yesterday. In short, my biggest worry is not that I will have some problem/ issue etc and it will all come to an end. My worst nightmare is that I will have a very long life. I don't think about it consciously. The thoughts attack the mind stealthily. It could get triggered with something completely unrelated, but It's too late to do much afterwards once it gets there. My mind goes into...

Folks with 1 child (yet), or no children (even happier I gather), will struggle to get this.. You will understand no doubt, but probably not get the depth of it.  When we had our 1st daughter, everything was new. The Joy was new and the apprehensions were new as well. If something didn't seem right - get worried, if she was crying - consult dr. Google, if she didn't eat - dance around, if she didn't sleep - carry her around, if she didn't feel well - a real doctor consultation, etc  With our second daughter, it was different.  If she didn't eat - she will eat when she gets hungry, "she'll be alright", if she didn't sleep - she will sleep when she gets tired, "she'll be alright", if she had temperature - paracetamol first then we'll see, "she'll be alright", etc. Don't get me wrong. We were just as overjoyed, cared just as much and loved her just as much. We were more relaxed. Didn't have to hit the "pani...