Mind of my Stroked Brain

I am not sure how to convey this. It is pure feelings and very hard to convey in words. Will give it a go anyway... Most of my life, I have been somebody who has been on the cautious and risk adverse side of things. While it has been very handy to do many things, I have seen many drawbacks with it - not being easy on change, scared of eventualitiy, procrastination, etc amongst many other things. I think it is a bit of instinct for self preservation and avoiding risks. Scared for life.  "Living to live", for the lack of knowing how else to put it. After the stroke and many months of wanting to pull the plug or hoping somehow the plug gets pulled, I have realised it is not going to happen. Even if I had the plug in my own hands, I am not very sure of being able to pull it myself now. Over the last 2 or so years, I have seen a change in the mind. I certainly don't want to claim I am not scared anymore and rearing to take risks, but certainly the level of openness to such mat

I usually go on a hunting trip on YouTube on my phone. Things I think might be interesting, I add it to my "watch later" list. I don't watch them on my phone. Later, when I find time, I watch them on the TV. (The list has grown to over 50 now!). When I am watching later, there are hits and misses. Usually in about first 1½ minutes I make up my mind whether it is interesting enough to invest the rest of my time (they are usually 12 - 20 minutes long). If I find it not worthy, I switch to the next one. A while ago, I had started to watch a documentary/ movie on Netflix. I I think I watched about 10 minutes of it. It was slow and I didn't find it very captivating. I stopped watching it and switched. After that, I got a recommendation for watching it by someone. I didn't watch it again. I had already tried to and had discontinued. However, I had a few more folks recommended it to me. It piqued my curiosity. I watched it again. This time I forced myself to go past the