Mind of my Stroked Brain

After my stroke, from about the last year maybe, I tend to do things quickly. What I can do is very very minimal anyway, but what I am able to do with the help of the phone, I tend to do it quickly. Stuff I would regularly put off for later, for tomorrow, for afterwards usually. Procrastination basically. It's probably the 2 odd years of absolute inability to do anything that gives the drive. Maybe there is also the rude realisation that later may not happen, tomorrow may not come or it may be nothing like I imagined. Whatever it is, I tend to do stuff then and there. I get pleasantly surprised about it and how much gets done (maybe very minimal from a normal person point of view, but quite a bit for my situation and standards). As I said, what I can do is very minimal - but things I would normally put off gets done. I have often wondered why I was not doing this earlier. Why would I lean towards procrastination instead of acting on something. I was fundamentally active and not laz

During this rehab, I have encountered two kinds of effort. Effort of the mind and effort of the body or muscle. When we do something, it is very hard to discern the difference - because they happen together. Instantaneous! Ex, we usually think we want to move the hand and it instantly moves. It is absolutely difficult to discern that we first had to think of it and that thought caused it to move. This is a voluntary action - it is practically impossible to realise it for autonomous actions. Ex, swallowing, voicing, closing the nose when we blow, etc. However, with my case of the stroke and consequent condition, the two have been very very amplified. Sometimes there is as much as a 2 second gap between my thought and causing the action - however little. It is extremely effort intensive and draining to do it. I have never managed to sustain the effort or intention or will beyond about 2 seconds. It is not like thinking of something - like many times said in meditation. To focus on someth