Mind of my Stroked Brain

Just after my stroke, after I could think properly i.e., I used to be very easily irritated with everyone around. It is understandable, generally speaking - my whole world had turned topsy turvy! The irritation was quite indiscriminate - I don't think anyone was spared - nurses, therapists, family, friends, anyone who was doing anything for me basically. In a way, I am glad I could not express it in any way - it would have been ugly and sad otherwise. It continued long after, even after we got home. I guess the main benefactors of the outcome of this was my wife and my nurses at home. The nurses would change very frequently too. Everyone was equally treated by me. Over time I have given it some thought, a lot of thought actually. I have felt there were 2 primary reasons for my constant irritation. One was the understandable bit - it was basically frustration with life the world and everything else - misdirected against everyone around. The second, was a difficult one to understand...

Somebody recently remarked on the tolerance I have shown with regard to my journey. On occasions, I have also been told I have been very strong, very brave , so on - through dealing with all circumstances after the stroke. I have reflected and pondered on it many times. I don't think I thought myself weak or fearful etc. but I also hadn't associated myself with brave, strong, etc. I have honestly wondered how and where the drive is coming from. After a lot of thinking, I have narrowed it down to 3 things mainly. 1. The affection, care, patience and help of my wife, kids, close friends and family.  I know, it sounds like the customary mention of a recipient of an Oscar's acceptance speech - but I can't highlight how important it is to have understanding, support and most importantly, patience from folks around you when going through something like this. Most times when I have been difficult and stubborn to anybody in the normal scheme of things, I have done it knowingly ...

When I moved from the ICU to the HDU ward, everyone who visited me used to tell me the same thing - some variation of "everything will become ok, it'll just take some time". I had pretty much taken it for granted that everything will become ok and I will walk out of the hospital. The one and only thing eating me up was "how long?". No matter what, nobody would say that to me and I had no way to ask... I still assumed something in "months" scale. The first time I heard anything about a timeline was after I had come back home and one of my speech therapist saying that it would take another 6-8 months to remove the trachiostomy tube (it was not said to me - I just happened to overhear it). I was heartbroken. This was already 6 months after the stroke. It was unthinkable to be like that for another 6 months. Turns out - she was being very optimistic with her prediction. It was 21 months before it came off. After I have extensively consulted with Dr. Googl...

I have had some very positive experiences recently whilst dealing with the customer care of a very big establishment. All on emails and chat...  It is a big establishment and they should be well trained with a good process undoubtedly. However, I have had the same positive experience in the last year with many places, big and small. Even when I had ordered a piece of furniture at the turn of the year, and I was not very happy with the product and very unhappy with the delivery/installation, I got very patient customer service. Again, all over email and chat. When I could speak earlier, I have not had this same experience. I can only deduce, that my impatience/ irritation / anger at times, was very evident in my voice and folks were only reciprocating my behavior.. Why was I not showing the patience that I was expecting back? Why did it not register that the other end of the line had a person first and the organization next. Why expect good behaviour when I was not doing the same......