Mind of my Stroked Brain

When you brush your teeth in the morning, do you remember if you keep your eyes opened or closed initially when you take the brush to the teeth? Check tomorrow morning if you are not sure 🙂 before my stroke, I used to have my eyes closed when I started brushing. I don't know why I used to do it, but that is what I did. Maybe it is some sort of a reflex to close the eyes when we open the mouth wide - I don't know. For about 3½+ years I didn't brush my teeth. It was cleaned by my nurses with some gauze dipped in mouthwash and cleaning what they could with artery scissors. In the last couple of months I have been using an electric toothbrush as I have the strength to hold it and move it around a bit. I still can't use toothpaste as I can't rinse my mouth with water. I still just dip the toothbrush in mouthwash and swirl it around a bit.  Every morning I think about this - because I keep my eyes open when I start now.  Even with my eyes open wide, I am unable to bring

This note may sound a bit accusatory to everyone in general. It feels like I'm saying things taking a bit of a higher moral ground. I can assure you that is not the intent and I am guilty for all of the same things , a lot when I was able and some even now.. My state after the stroke has only allowed me a certain perspective which I am sharing. When I had the stroke, and was moved from the ICU to the ward (HDU), one of the biggest challenges I faced was to grab anyone's attention. I had no voice or movement of any sort.. I would be lying down looking for what seemed like an eternity for me, hoping that someone would lift their head and look at me and realise I needed something. (It's a different matter if they looked at me, I wouldn't know what to do anyway and it would make no difference). That started my animosity towards devices in general and I have been observing how they impact us ever since. My nurses in the house, all of them, care for me all day, everyday. Week

I am not very sure what this note is about... Wrote it over a few days so all over the place. But here it is anyway... Many times in the past few months, I have often thought about what I keep writing about and so frequently. The frequent bit is quite straightforward for me to understand. I have stayed too long with no means to express anything and even now, since it's so frustrating to not speak, I just spew things unhindered on whatsapp. Even though I have usually been very sparse earlier. But what I write about are both varied and slightly deep by my usual standards. So how did it happen? The stroke did not affect my thought patterns (brain stem has nothing to do with thinking). If anything I have lost a few memories, nothing else. I have wondered several times what it is.... This is my theory: Space. Not physical space but Mind space. For almost 18 months, all I could do is think. After the initial turmoil, that's all I could do.  So the natural thing to conclude is that I

Since i don't/can't do anything else these days (except numb my head with tv), i just watch everything (which i can see), and observe. I could be overanalysing things and concluding wrong things also, i don't know. That won't stop me from sharing my thoughts...😜 One of the biggest challenges i face everyday (it's definitely better than anything before), is the absolute lack of articulation, intonation, expressions, body language in what i say on WhatsApp. I can only be selective abt the words used and hope it's understood as intended. No making amends later if not. But then, i notice pretty much everyone crippled by this disability nowadays, thanks to various devises. Yes, people are speaking, but absorbed in devices at the same time. In this, they have a voice no doubt, but can't pay attention to the words being used. I have seen miscommunication and sometimes folks talking about different things thinking they are talking about same time. In the evolutiona