Mind of my Stroked Brain

Couple of months ago, I had written about my amusing experience of my PEG tube falling out. A follow up of that was a write up of my experience getting a new one put in. Well guess what, I got a new one today as well. It was even more surprising... and amazing I must add. About 2 weeks ago, my PEG tube developed a leak. Nothing serious, the mouth of the tube and the cap were not closing "water tight". It started leaking at the rate of maybe 1 drop every minute. I wanted to see for some time whether it will become ok by itself. Wishful thinking - it did not. Very slowly was increasing. Maybe 3 drops every 2 minutes. So my wife asked her friend (an ex doctor - who had kindly arranged for everything previously at the hospital) what we have to do. She has clout in that hospital. She arranged for someone from the hospital to come home and check it out.  He came this morning. He said he was in the hospital procedure room when I was there. They all wear masks in the procedure room o...

I feel, every type of place evokes certain types of feelings. It also makes us think a certain style. Ex, we can be at a school - and feel one way.  Or be at an airport - and feel different emotions. Similarly - hospitals. Our behaviour changes, we speak softer maybe, a little more sensitive to how others may feel - perfect strangers. We won't usually feel that way if we saw the same folk in a park. It usually evokes very deep questions about things too. When we see somebody else suffering, we think what would I do in that situation. We find some answers. Convincing or otherwise. Of course, few hours later, the scene changes, emotions change, mood changes and that train of thought gets derailed and fades. Of course I have the luxury of being in the space. And the luxury of time. In the ICU, its even more stark. Nobody is allowed to disturb us. No phones, no TV, no nothing. You only have the company of thoughts. As this is a hospital. The destinations for the trains are already set....

Some days back, in the afternoon, I felt a bit uneasy in my abdomen area. I can't feel much there, so couldn't make out if it was my stomach or intestine or liver or something else. Anyway, I wanted to be cautious so asked my nurses to reduce my feed volume. My wife also suggested I avoid the usual feed and have gangi (boile rice water) till i fell better. I normally sit out on the wheelchair at 4pm and sit till 8pm. Sometimes even 9pm. My bladder can hold a max of ~300ml. By 7pm, it is usual to have passed urine twice. Not that day, it was 7pm and not even once. I was also feeling very tired and couldn't sit longer. I thought if that much fluid (I had had full feeds till 2;30pm) had made it into my metabolic system surely the bladder world have given way. If the intestine had absorbed it, and the kidneys had not filtered, i would be bloating - especially at the ankles. That was not the case. I had also felt a bit gassy in the abdomen, but if it was stomach gas, it would h...

I keep getting these pop up advertisements on websites telling me about the best places to visit on the weekend, top places to go within 100kms from Bangalore, etc. I wish there was some way I could tell them that their Ad algorithms have got it wrong and to save their ad spend on me 😂 There are a few places - places of worship mainly, which many people people have committed on my behalf - that I will visit - once I am ok. The catch is, who will decide what is "ok" ? I am guessing I hold the deciding veto there 😂 On a more serious note, these past years/ months have afforded me the time and space to think about this. Where would I really like to go when I get sufficiently better to be able to go and interact with others. There are 3 places I hope I can go to: 1. An Orphanage - so I can interact with the kids and well, just interact . Maybe in that process I can understand fully what privilege and abundance I have lived with. Maybe I can be of some help, I don't know. ...