20220213 : 2 types of itch

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When I got movements in my left hand - for a long time, I could only move the fingers and forearm. I had very little movements or strength in the shoulder to be able to lift the elbow from the bed - no matter how much I tried.

This was very frustrating as i was still getting through the experience of itches and being unable to scratch and having to ignore it.

However, once in a while, I would lift my hand and scratch my face.

I would try this again but nada. Wouldn't happen.

I would be hoping very much that nobody sees it. Whenever someone caught me doing it, the understandable conclusion was I am able to lift the hand and I was probably pretending other times to be unable to.

It was a very logical conclusion - scratching somewhere is a voluntary thing. It used to upset me very much not to be able to communicate and convince anyone I could not do it voluntarily again.

So it continued for sometime. Later it went away - not the itch and scratches, but the convincing others bit, as I was able to lift the hand from the bed for couple of seconds so I am guessing the difference was not evident.

I have realised over a long time, that I get 2 types of itches.

One is the normal variety - externally caused, like a rash on the skin, a mosquito bite, some insect, and ant, some irritation on the skin, etc. 

These I have learnt to ignore if I know I can't reach and scratch.

The other variety is internally caused. It will start itching somewhere for no apparent reason. Especially on the face most near the nose and eyes.

These are the itches that I simply struggle to ignore even if I want to.

These were the itches when my hand would get a lift up, an unknown strength to lift and scratch.

Something I could never do by myself voluntarily.

Over time, I too forgot about it - as I could actually lift my hand to my face and it became usual to scratch.

From sometime back, maybe a bit more than a month, I have tried to voluntarily ignore it. I have enough strength and control and strength in my left hand to actually stop it from scratching.

On those occasions, the right hand acts like a broken lizard's tail and feels indescribable feelings and moves randomly. It is not coordinated to be able to achieve anything worthwhile but I think it is struggling to scratch. I can't keep it for more than 1 or 2 seconds and I have to scratch with my left hand.

I think it is the brain running tests periodically. I am guessing it doesn't know where some of the nerve end points are. The only way it can make out is like a linesman trying to find out the other end of a wire, by passing an impulse. But it needs something on the other end to find out where it physically terminates. So the impulse generates an itch and it propels the hand to reach there to confirm to the brain the physical location.

So now, I just scratch to confirm. While I am tempted to watch the right hand wriggle in agony, I just scratch sheepishly.

If it is indeed running a test, I better give the right confirmation and conclusion. I have enough "wrong wirings" already... 

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