Mind of my Stroked Brain

When folks visit, or folks are discussing about me - both family and friends, it is very normal to have someone refer to the previous me and say "he makes something well" or "he likes doing something" or just plain "he likes something". It's very strange to hear everyone talking about a person who is no more - in the present continuous tense...

I had a dream last night. Very strange dream. Well all dreams are strange anyway - that is quite normal. I call it strange because it was in a very strange place - which was a combination of which looked resembled an airport area, it had the house (apartment) in the airport which was a multi storey building. It was physically located in what seemed like one of the places in one of the countries I have stayed. It had transport facilities like another, it had a market from one place, a food court from another etc. Pretty fictitious and normal for a dream... The strange part is it it is not the first time I have dreamed of this place. At least a dozen or so times in the past. Each time it is a different situation/ circumstance and different people, but in the same place and setting. It's like the place exists. Come to think of it, what is a real place? It is also in the mind with a different set of rules. We live in it when the body is awake and it is real here. Other places that is c

Nerd warning... and lengthy warning... I don't know if I am thinking right. It's still a thought though... When computers were stand alone, it had power, but we could do very limited things with them. When computers got networked, we used to have power and the ability to share. content - static content/ information, but we suddenly could share this. Then we figured out how to save and retrieve data. So we were having a lot of data about stuff we did - transactions of any sort. When we had a lot of data, we saw patterns. It was very useful to be able to connect the dots and make sense of the patterns. When we saw these patterns, there were opportunities to act on such intelligence. So we made rules to automatically take actions based on these rules. The rules had to still be defined by us, but the actions could be done automatically - the intelligence was still us. Human Intelligence. Now we have rudimentary artificial intelligence. Some things do not need human intelligence -

When we are young (toddler, kids, adolescents), we are soaking up everything around us. Affection, education, professional skills, life skills, etc. Our partners and society in general look after us. They don't see us as a drain but an investment. Not monetarily, just socially - investment into the next generation. When we become adults, till we can participate in any productive way - we contribute. We may be monetarily or materially compensated, but in general we contribute. Work, care, education, defence, whatever - we contribute. We are an asset to the society. After this period of being socially productive and contributions, I think we move to a self sufficient sustainable phase. If we have planned well, we may have a nest egg also. Else, we just sustain doing whatever is required. In many places, there may be some sort of pension etc. Its a broad statement - but generally sustaining. At some stage, we become weaker. Weaker physically, weaker mentally, weaker with resources may

I was seeing something on TV this morning (news). Something about a shooting incident. The headline said "eight souls snatched by gunman....blah blah blah" and I was thinking, shouldn't it read "eight bodies snatched by gunman...." The souls actually got released. Troubled maybe, premature and unwilling surely. But the souls got released...

Just after my stroke, after I could think properly i.e., I used to be very easily irritated with everyone around. It is understandable, generally speaking - my whole world had turned topsy turvy! The irritation was quite indiscriminate - I don't think anyone was spared - nurses, therapists, family, friends, anyone who was doing anything for me basically. In a way, I am glad I could not express it in any way - it would have been ugly and sad otherwise. It continued long after, even after we got home. I guess the main benefactors of the outcome of this was my wife and my nurses at home. The nurses would change very frequently too. Everyone was equally treated by me. Over time I have given it some thought, a lot of thought actually. I have felt there were 2 primary reasons for my constant irritation. One was the understandable bit - it was basically frustration with life the world and everything else - misdirected against everyone around. The second, was a difficult one to understand

Couple of days back, I wished to share something. I wrote on WhatsApp. it's a small bunch of people. I put it up on my blog. This was more of a ritual - nobody visits it. I shared it on a StrokeSupport group I am part of. It's off the main topic and unlikely more than a few would have read it. I wished it to have a wider audience. I wished many more to know about the experience. I realised I can't hide from social media anymore if I need the reach. So, I visited one of them. A fairly established and well known one. I was going there after a long time. A very very long time! I don't have any of the SM apps on my phone. I didn't want to install it. I logged in using the browser on the mobile. And it hit me! A flurry of updates, friend requests, notifications, chat messages etc. I felt overwhelmed with the busyness of the place!  Somebody I know just had a baby, somebody I know moved somewhere, somebody I know has an anniversary, somebody 's birthday, so on.. There

I have a nice experience to share.. Yesterday was my daughter's birthday.  I wanted to get a cake for her - order it a few days back.  Not the numerous off the display ones, I wanted to get the type which has a custom edible image  printed on top - so it matched with the theme of this time. The usual food delivery apps don't have that option. I had looked around.  I had done a lot of research and had ordered from someone sometime back. I had not had a very great experience with the process, support etc. The cake that turned up was also looking just ok. Didn't feel like going that route again. I remembered I had gotten a similar cake about 5 years back and it was good. I did some looking online and got the email of the shop. I wrote to them and somebody responded saying I have to speak to their manager and gave his mobile number. I can't call, so I sent a message on WhatsApp. I wasn't very hopeful that I will get a response. I don't respond to unknown folks mysel

Sometime ago, (i don't remember when), I shared about my 3 Gods - the Bell, the TV and the Phone. There is an call bell app on my phone now. I use it frequently to get attention when I am not able to have the physical bell with me. The TV has broken down on two occasions in the last year and I have survived weeks without it - listening to music and podcasts on my phone. It is safe to say that the 3 of them have converged to 1 single supreme power. Over the past 1 and half years, I have started to use the phone - very slowly and rudimentary in the beginning and very powerful things progressively. I live in WhatsApp and Gmail. I would have no idea how to spend time if I could not correspond with the world.  I also occasionally use hangouts, telegram, zoom, skype, dischord, etc. All to connect with others. I have a lot of financial abilities because I have the banking apps of every bank that I bank with. I have a bunch of other financial apps and of course - Google pay and phone pe an

For a very long time after my stroke (almost 3 years) I struggled with my state. Not that I was not able to accept what had happened, I had crossed that hump, but what it had made me become. I used to be very active before the stroke. Physically doing things and active generally. I used to play a lot of sports in my younger days - and good at it, or so I believed. Suddenly becoming bed ridden and being unable to do anything was a lot to deal with. I used to love foods and to cook. Being unable to do either was the insult on top of the injury! Sometime back (a few months ago I guess) it dawned on me that that the root cause of this misery was that fellow. Comparing everything with him. He died long ago - well and truly! I wouldn't say i was born that day fully, but this new me came to life. I didn't start with a blank slate, I still had a mind, a mindset, an IQ, an EQ etc. A personality overall. But I was a completely new person! I was lucky enough that I came alive with many of