20220501 : Dead and alive

For a very long time after my stroke (almost 3 years) I struggled with my state. Not that I was not able to accept what had happened, I had crossed that hump, but what it had made me become.

I used to be very active before the stroke. Physically doing things and active generally. I used to play a lot of sports in my younger days - and good at it, or so I believed.

Suddenly becoming bed ridden and being unable to do anything was a lot to deal with. I used to love foods and to cook. Being unable to do either was the insult on top of the injury!

Sometime back (a few months ago I guess) it dawned on me that that the root cause of this misery was that fellow. Comparing everything with him.

He died long ago - well and truly!

I wouldn't say i was born that day fully, but this new me came to life.

I didn't start with a blank slate, I still had a mind, a mindset, an IQ, an EQ etc. A personality overall.

But I was a completely new person!

I was lucky enough that I came alive with many of those faculties and abilities. In many many cases, even the personality of the new person is so very unpredictable.

It made me realise I was not really disabled per se. I was just here with these new set of abilities. Some of them, if I am lucky, will get a little better over time even.

It is a subtle change to the thinking but does a huge change to the mindset overall.

I would assume it is the same case with all life changing situations (accidents, natural calamities, man-made disasters, etc). It probably helps to kill the memory of the earlier person to remove the shackles from the mind.

For a stroke especially, and especially for carers and family and loved ones, it probably also helps to kill that person - simply because that person is no longer present. 

Who is present is a completely different person - with a different set of abilities and personality. Many times, that person will also not be familiar and struggling with the new person either.

It will probably help to forget the earlier person and personality and make peace with reality and be with the new person - with new abilities and personality...