Mind of my Stroked Brain

I am unable to swallow anything. Apart from swallowing itself being a problem (anything being pushed down the oesophagus), the bigger problem is aspiration. Even a spoon of water, some of it goes into the windpipe (trachea) causing violent coughing. It's not just me, many stroke survivors have some form of disphagia (trouble swallowing). This is because we (well, most mammals I know), have the food pipe and the windpipe opening up at the pharynx (back of throat). Alternatively, if they didn't merge, it would be simpler no? I wonder, Why did this happen? Even a simple thing like getting hiccups? Why does it happen? I mean, i know how and why it physiologically happens. But what advantage does it give in evolutionary terms? It doesn't help in "fight" or "flight". It doesn't even help if you want to hide!  So, why was it needed this way?  I imagine it would by a struggle when evolving. So, Why did the characteristics survive the lens of natural or arti

 On a lighter note.... I have 3 Gods I wholeheartedly worship today. My Trimurthis, I may say #1. The most powerful of them is the "Bell" always by my side. Without it it's impossible for me to get attention. It answers my call everytime and someone turns up to fulfill my need. I wont make it past 1 hour without this God. #2. Is the mobile phone. The only window I have to communicate and interact. Without it, I'm as good as non-existent. #3. Is the TV in my room. When I'm not involved with God #2, thats my refuge. God #2 gives me a lot of strength, but maybe after a day of separation, i will need god #3. 😂

From the time of the stroke (from when i could think straight at least), till sometime ago ( maybe for 18 months atleast), I was dogged all the time about whether it was some orchestrated moment or just some random occurance, just bad luck or something else which I can't even think about. The frank answer, after a lot, and its a lot of thinking, is I'm not really sure. I have always felt just absence of evidence for one doesnt automatically prove the other. I have kinda been sure all along that Gods, at least the way it usually is propagated, and religions are all crafted up stuff. It was needed to bring about compliance to build up civilizations and organised societies. I guess that time is over. Long back in fact... The other angle is considering it's all random.. everything is a combination of natural and artificial selection and we have today. However, there is too much detail in everything natural to simply consider it random. It's a possibility, but with very less

Here's a twisted theory: I've always doubted the theory that a meteor took out the dinosaurs... There were too many of them, across species, amphibians, land species, flying ones etc. To be wiped clean by one falling rock... After seeing the potential of this pandemic, that doubt has become stronger...  Sure, maybe it was the falling rock. But its maybe its what came with it that did the trick.  That would be a cool killing a lot more with one stone...

The news splash on all channels, is about this guy "Navneet Kalra" , from Delhi, who was buying oxygen concentrators from China cheaply, for as low as 20K INR and selling it to desperate folks at over 70K INR. They have seized hundreds of them... Well, frankly, its Opportunistic, Greedy, Unethical and any similar adjectives. But why is it unlawful? Unless he was selling for cash under the table to avoid tax, why the manhunt to arrest him? It was only pricing a product for what customers are willing to pay. Isn't that how everything works in a free market? The sophisticated folks know to buy Starbucks when it rains well in Brazil. What does the straightforward person do? Why is everyone so shocked with this when we have sown and nurtured capitalistic minds everywhere?? The only accomplishment is, we now have hundreds of oxygen concentrator units, off the market, which could have saved hundreds of desperate lives...

I have had at least some 25 Nurses/Attenders at home till date. I'm sure a greater number are to come in the future too... For atleast a year, we had only male folk. Then came the lockdown suddenly last year and as an act of desperation to get someone overnight, reluctantly, I settled for a female nurse.  Soon we realised she was doing better than the accompanying male nurse (who was a lunatic in his own right, who we had to bring to Mumbai in an equal or more desperate situation). He was replaced with another guy who had his share of issues... So we replaced him with another female nurse (who proved to be very good and stayed the longest too). We realised soon after that they worked well together and more importantly, everyone in the house is more relaxed and comfortable with women in the house (and Leia too) So, from the past year, it has been only women nurses exclusively.  I have also requested for replacing some of the guys earlier for their antics which there has been no su

Over the past month + , i have kept busy looking at old photos/videos, editing them etc., making video, spending a gread deal of time online and amazon extensively searching for things, ordering them then tracking them and intervening when there were delivery problems etc.  Given the dexterity of my left hand/fingers, and my eyesight (I only started wearing glasses few days back) it took a very long time, with many mistakes and correction cycles. In the large scheme of things, it was all trivial work, but i knew it would make a difference., and I'm sure it did. Now that the date has come and gone, i wake up this morning without something to do. A purpose , however silly, to go on. Its a big deflation. I am sure everyone will suggest to do this or that to keep myself occupied..  That's not the point. I know many things to kill time, but none of then come from within as something purposeful.. So starts my search , as Victor Franknel said - for "Man's search for meaning&q

My right hand fingers sometimes fold and become rigid and its impossible to straighten them till it relaxes on its own .. some of you who have battled with it know what i  am talking abt. It has increased a lot nowadays, both frequency and intensity. The nurses try to battle with it often...  Now , i have 2 nurses. One is very sloppy with everything she does and the other is ok.  When the sloppy one tries to make it straight, she just can't. On the contrary when she tries, the fingers shrivel up further and close up tighter. It doesn't happen so with othe other. It just gives a usual fight, wins some and loses some... Now i know what we feel, that I'm mentally biased and so the hand behaves accordingly.. that's the logical explanation. However, the signals are not even making it to the mind/brain. If it did, i'd be able to move it voluntarily... My MEP test established that . So who is making the decision for my hand on how to react? Does the body have a mind of its

Its been 27 months since I've had my stroke. I'm unable to speak ( no breath support, very less vocal chord movement and can't move my tongue or lips much) . However after first 4-5 weeks of confusion, i have been able to think clearly and read and understand correctly. After i could manage to handle the phone, i have been writing (messaging, mailing) well. However, in the last couple of weeks, i have noticed something strange. When i type a message or a mail everything seems fine but when i re read before sending, some words will be wrong. No it's not typos or small spelling errors, nor is it small words like 'at' or 'is' or something similar. Whole big words 5-6 characters i would have typed completely gibbirish. Completely random letters.  In my mind, i would have thought correctly but typed something different. The number of characters will be correct. Like a 5 letter word will be typed as 5 letters of nonsense. It doesnt happen everytime or some len