20250823 - Curiosity and the cat...

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 Recently, I wrote that I am living on the edge everyday between going on v​/s giving up. It probably can also be interpreted as the edge of remaining sane v​/s going insane...


Anyway, I have often wondered, when everything is looking so bleak to the mind's eye, what makes me go through the day and make it to the next day. What is it that is causing this?

Is Love what is giving ​me the strength?

Love is a very fashionable word in my opinion. It is very easy to say we love someone. It is equally applicable to our love towards people, animals and things. In my opinion, Love gets manifested to reality with care and affection. That's how our love is expressed.

Sure, I love my wife, children, family and friends. Everyone to different extent​s depending on the degree of closeness or separation. But it has been many many years since I have really expressed any love through care towards anyone. In the initial period of the stroke, I was very very desperate to want to do it on every possible instance. I couldn't do anything however and it ached in my bones so to speak. Over time, I have actually forgotten about how that feels like anymore to love.

Is it the love from others towards me?

Sure, that's there definitely but it is "outside in" towards me and not "inside out" from me and I feel is ​a relatively weaker force to scaffold the mind compared to the daily challenges this mind encounters.

So what is keeping this mind going?

I think it is my "curiosity" for now 

​There are many many curiosities with regard to my wife, children, close family and close friends. How several things will turn out regarding this or that for each of them.
These are reasonably ​medium-long term things. ​It is too far for my mind's eye to be able to imagine that far. 

Due to lack of much purposeful activity, I tend to fill my day with lots of content consumption. From a day to day basis, because I consume so much content and news 
- I am curious how things will progress in the geopolitical stage ​tomorrow
- I am curious to know what will happen with geo economics ​tomorrow
- I am curious to know about the movement in technolo​gy and AI and what will happen ​tomorrow
- I am curious about how the market will do​ tomorrow
- I am curious about how things will move wrt climate impacts in different places​ tomorrow
- etc., etc.

There are several such curiosities I think that ​a​re keeping the mind from falling off the edge. It's a lot of unnecessary things to worry about for me​, but it keeps the mind distracted I guess...

So, unlike the proverb "curiosity killed the cat", I actually feel curiosity is keeping this cat alive.

The cat is probably on its 9th life now and will shortly jump off, but for now, I think it's curiosity​ that is dragging it along...

Location: Bengaluru, Karnataka, India

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