20250820 - Living on the edge...

There are many challenges and limitations that I face everyday, to just get by the day. I am not unique in that aspect. There are 100s of thousands of people who face challenges and limitations everyday. 

I think it is the element of "hope" that is different. I am guessing (& I might be wrong​ here), but I feel somehow there might be an element of hope for some improvement ​in the future that ​p​ropells most to go on.

I am guessing it might also be the situation with very elderly individuals who have an unexpected mishap/ accident and impacts them ​severely. 

​eg , consider an elderly person in​, say - their 80s, reasonably independent​ otherwise, ​but having an ​unexpected accident​/fall breaking their back/hip. It will be very severely limiting. Given their age, they will inherently know (I am guessing​ again) that "hope" and probability of recovery is very dim.

That's very very demoralising and dis-incentivising to continue to fight this life. 

I am guessing (I might be wrong​ here as well), other abilities probably help in some way to overcome the limitations imposed ​due to one aspect​ caused by the unexpected mishap.

What does one do when they are bedridden, can't move due to bad paralysis, can't talk, can't eat/ drink, suffers from bad incontinence, suffers regular bad aspirations & can't do simple things like cough for relief, etc., etc. ​What relief in other abilities should they lean on ?

Firstly there is no "hope" with me of getting better to look forward to and propel that drive to continue fighting life everyday. 

Next, there are so many broken aspects that there is ​no other ability helping me lean on to make up for all the other challenges and limitations. ​

Ya, Ya - I know. I have a working mind. But it is the mind that has been most impacted from everything and struggling in this battle with life!

While all the challenges and limitations exist, it is more the lack of "hope" that is making me live on the edge everyday. It is not once in a few days that I feel like going off the edge but a couple of times everyday...

Of all the challenges and limitations I have, the one that really really pushes me ​very hard is the inability to eat/ drink. It is impossible to bear. The knowledge that I will never again eat/ drink in this lifetime gets to me very badly!

​No other organism/ species on this planet survives without eating/ consuming. Even single celled organisms need to consume their food to stay alive. Only in the case of us humans, we have this unnatural mechanism to dump fuel into the stomach directly to keep the body alive. ​Similarly, I am fueled every couple of hours to keep this body going. 

Food is more about its visual appeal, smell, feel, taste, the entire experience that makes us want to put it into our body in the first place to provide the nutrition needed. The whole experience first nourishes the mind before it can nourish the body. To know I will never experience it again in this lifetime is really pushing me and taking me to the edge everyday.

I truly am living on the edge everyday and have no Idea when this mind will go over the edge...