Mind of my Stroked Brain

I have a nice experience to share.. Yesterday was my daughter's birthday.  I wanted to get a cake for her - order it a few days back.  Not the numerous off the display ones, I wanted to get the type which has a custom edible image  printed on top - so it matched with the theme of this time. The usual food delivery apps don't have that option. I had looked around.  I had done a lot of research and had ordered from someone sometime back. I had not had a very great experience with the process, support etc. The cake that turned up was also looking just ok. Didn't feel like going that route again. I remembered I had gotten a similar cake about 5 years back and it was good. I did some looking online and got the email of the shop. I wrote to them and somebody responded saying I have to speak to their manager and gave his mobile number. I can't call, so I sent a message on WhatsApp. I wasn't very hopeful that I will get a response. I don't respond to unknown folks mysel

Sometime ago, (i don't remember when), I shared about my 3 Gods - the Bell, the TV and the Phone. There is an call bell app on my phone now. I use it frequently to get attention when I am not able to have the physical bell with me. The TV has broken down on two occasions in the last year and I have survived weeks without it - listening to music and podcasts on my phone. It is safe to say that the 3 of them have converged to 1 single supreme power. Over the past 1 and half years, I have started to use the phone - very slowly and rudimentary in the beginning and very powerful things progressively. I live in WhatsApp and Gmail. I would have no idea how to spend time if I could not correspond with the world.  I also occasionally use hangouts, telegram, zoom, skype, dischord, etc. All to connect with others. I have a lot of financial abilities because I have the banking apps of every bank that I bank with. I have a bunch of other financial apps and of course - Google pay and phone pe an

For a very long time after my stroke (almost 3 years) I struggled with my state. Not that I was not able to accept what had happened, I had crossed that hump, but what it had made me become. I used to be very active before the stroke. Physically doing things and active generally. I used to play a lot of sports in my younger days - and good at it, or so I believed. Suddenly becoming bed ridden and being unable to do anything was a lot to deal with. I used to love foods and to cook. Being unable to do either was the insult on top of the injury! Sometime back (a few months ago I guess) it dawned on me that that the root cause of this misery was that fellow. Comparing everything with him. He died long ago - well and truly! I wouldn't say i was born that day fully, but this new me came to life. I didn't start with a blank slate, I still had a mind, a mindset, an IQ, an EQ etc. A personality overall. But I was a completely new person! I was lucky enough that I came alive with many of

I have shared sometime back about my current thinking about God. When I was young, maybe till end of school, God was what was told all along by everyone around and there was a faith. Blind maybe, but there was a belief. The usual visits to temples, rituals, ceremonies, etc. There was a sort of unquestioning compliance if you will. I think in college days, it was a very distracted time and distanced/ avoided topic. I think some kind of faith existed but was neither expressed or relied upon. I think early adulthood - maybe a decade and half at least, there was no belief or questioning. Just leading a life seperated from such beliefs. I think this was also the time when a lot of rationality and practicality set in. Maybe 3-4 years before my stroke, a sort of curiosity and questions arose. None of them found an answer but it made me pursue things and stuffs that are usually grouped under the broad definition of "spiritual" pursuits. And then my stroke happened. Many thoughts and

What I have observed/ learnt over the last 3+ years, is that the body is extremely resilient. It has many many safety nets and emergency mechanisms to stop it from perishing unnaturally. It needs way more external interference or significant internal damage to give up. But I have assumed that the mind is pretty finicky. It can make us do voluntary damage to the body and cause it to perish if it wanted to. Or be cheerful and make the body healthy and buoyant. In the past, I have felt both. Felt like ending it - but unable to. Happy and still no difference to the body. I have written in the past about finding meaning. Finding a purpose, etc. However, I have found nothing. A few years ago, I used to be a compulsive planner. I used to have a plan for life and even a spreadsheet to boot. Didn't work that way did it. I don't have anything to look forward to. It's not that I don't feel happy or sad or things like that. I feel all of it - more than necessary sometimes. But I am

I feel I have hit a ceiling with my rehab. I have not yet plateaued on the general overall improvements. That will go on with it's snail's pace for some time more. I feel I have hit the ceiling with general strength in the body. I have been at strengthening the left hand and leg for atleast 1.5 years now. After the initial development of strength, I feel it has stopped sometime back. It is still slowly improving wrt flexibility, etc. But strength has stopped a while back - no matter what and how much I exercise it. When I had the stroke - just prior ie, it was very common for me to attend a function (like a wedding) and have a very big meal - I mean a seriously big meal, polish off everything on the plate (the plantain leaf most often) and then have 2 full glasses of water. A glass is usually 250 ~ 300ml. That is my meal now 200 ~ 300ml! Sure, I have protein shake, oatmilk, rice, vegetables etc. But it is 300ml. The label on the box says it is enough and more protein for me. Ho

I had written some time back about the entertainment every time I had an x-ray in the hospital. Unfortunately, there is a downside to the whole matter. When the x-ray guy leaves, he will just leave. I will be in some vague position, the sheets will have been removed, the pillows moved etc. Basically he will just leave. No thought that he should try to put things back the way they were when he came. It is not just the guy with the xray, pretty much everyone in the hospital is like that. The physiotherapist will come, move everything including the bed position for their job and just leave. The nurses will come - whatever the job - feed, vitals check, etc. They will do their work and leave. It bothers me no end. Definitely because I can't move and put back things nor can I ask anyone to do so. Maybe others don't feel as much for that reason. But I also think it is hardwired. When I was very young (I don't remember the age, but it was quite young), my father used to have a cupb