Mind of my Stroked Brain

For a very long time, the mind didn't want to fight. It was too daunting a fight. It surrendered without any resistance... But the body, as it couldn't work with the mind, could be kept alive anyway - artificially. Then the mind realised this was a very different fight. Surrendering does nothing really. The enemies are surrounding everytime, but they are doing nothing after. They are just waiting around for the mind to perish. After a while, the mind, mostly out of frustration and boredom of nothing really happening, decided to stand ground and not trying to keep running. However, the body is not doing anything. Well, that's not right, it's doing things - just not doing things fast enough for the mind.  The mind is feeling the body is not being a team player. Not carrying it's share of weight (literally). I hope they get along and do the task on hand and finish the job. I am worried they might have a falling out and the mind will decide to try running away again...

I was ordering something on Amazon yesterday and I realised... In the last one year, I have spent a lot, received some, made payments/ made transfers, etc. I haven't had to go to a bank. I haven't had to write a cheque. I haven't had to use a credit card I haven't had to use a debit card. I haven't visited an ATM. I haven't touched any currency notes (in fact, I don't even remember how they look) All from the bed - on my phone... Just in case anyone has any doubt about the future of money... It is even more confusing with the advent of crypto currency.. How do we really teach this new next generation, what "money" is...? 

Last evening, my friends had come home. A young couple (much younger than I am). I was happy to see them after a while. They had brought their (I think they said he was a year and 7 months) along. It was quite apparent they doted on him. They said they have setup an Instagram page for him and keep it regularly updated. He was full of energy and excitement and wanted to go everywhere. They had to literally hold him back from running around and knocking things about.  We were told he had taken after his father - a better colour. There was the usual talk of his antics throughout. We (my wife) and they spoke about his diet, what he eats, how many times, etc. Like everyone born in the past two years, we were told how anxious he gets when even one of them go somewhere. My kids liked him very much. But I could see one of them was not liking all the enthusiasm around him much. I think they were home for about 2 hours, and 95% of the conversations were around him. I was alert and happy and dev

Was watching a talk last night by "Yual Noah Harari" (historian and author from Israel). Have been watching many of his talks. Slightly long, but interesting. I remember I had just started reading one of his books "Sapiens" when I had the stroke. He has an interesting take on "Censorship" In earlier days, Censorship was achieved by preventing, controlling and regulation of information. It was straight forward. Today, there are too many sources and everyone has access anytime and anywhere to information. So Censorship is achieved by over information, false information, misleading information, irrelevant information, etc. Basically, flood us with information so we can't find the right information and if by chance we do find the real deal, we will have so little confidence on it, we would not trust it. We will be so confused - we will eventually give up. Navigating this mess will be very hard! How true... 

Folks with 1 child (yet), or no children (even happier I gather), will struggle to get this.. You will understand no doubt, but probably not get the depth of it.  When we had our 1st daughter, everything was new. The Joy was new and the apprehensions were new as well. If something didn't seem right - get worried, if she was crying - consult dr. Google, if she didn't eat - dance around, if she didn't sleep - carry her around, if she didn't feel well - a real doctor consultation, etc  With our second daughter, it was different.  If she didn't eat - she will eat when she gets hungry, "she'll be alright", if she didn't sleep - she will sleep when she gets tired, "she'll be alright", if she had temperature - paracetamol first then we'll see, "she'll be alright", etc. Don't get me wrong. We were just as overjoyed, cared just as much and loved her just as much. We were more relaxed. Didn't have to hit the "pani

           1,000 days          =========== What would I do if I had these 1,000 days ... Would I continue to work like I used to - so I can achieve professional goals Or Would I spent more time with family and friends and be more available to them.  Would I travel and see more places -  Or Stay in one place and be more available/ reliable... Would I do more Yoga, Gym, running, etc - to lose some weight/ inches. Or Would I focus on improving my outlook. Would I meditate more - in search of peace of mind. Or Would I try to strive for a more comforted conscience. Would I pray more. Or Would I act more.  Would I talk a lot Or Would I be considered with my speech Would I eat and drink in excess. Or Would I be mindful and have a good diet. I don't know the answers.... for I was; Mostly at home for 1,000 days.    Rooted like a tree. Didn't have to work for 1,000 days.    Didn't have to contribute to anything. Didn't do anything for anyone for 1,000 days    Instead, everyone d

I was watching something yesterday about the growing number of suicides the world over. The pandemic, lockdowns, uncertainty, lack of social support etc is accelerating the trend. It got me thinking, why do we even think of committing suicide? Don't read me wrong. Depression is real. Suicidal tendencies are real. I have spent a large part of the last 3 years constantly contemplating about it. But why do we do it? We humans are the only species to think it and do it. No animal jumps off a cliff without knowing how to fly. No animal wades into the ocean if it doesn't know how to swim... Some insects - like soldier ants, bees, etc. are known to give up their life to defend their colony. But that is just instinctive sacrifice as part of living... I get the science - only we have a deep sense of self, a deep understanding of cause and effect, etc. But I would assume survival instinct would prevent such thoughts. I get murder - it is very little in humans because of conscience. I get