Mind of my Stroked Brain

Some days back, a friend of mine, from my pre-university days, messaged me on whatsapp. We chatted about old times, the lecturers, how much we had fun ragging them, etc. We also chatted about mutual friends, what they are doing now, etc. We chatted about the families, kids, school, etc. It was a bit asynchronous also, so it was all throughout the day. It was all fine, but by night, I could sense a growing impatience, a mild irritation in me, for not once did he enquire about how I was coping after the stroke. He obviously had contacted me after almost a decade as he must have found out I am whatsapp-ing now. He was not addressing the white elephant but was beating around the bush. Later he said he was coming to Bangalore and suggested that we catch up for coffee and reminisce old times. That's when the penny dropped for us both. He really didn't know. He was not not avoiding the conversation.  I told him about the stroke blah blah blah and he apologized blah blah blah, all good

The olympics has 2 types of games. One I would categorise as games with unquestionable outcomes where the winners are certain and unquestionable. Ex, the Javelin throw. Nobody can question it and anybody can measure the distance and come to the same conclusion. It applies to individual and team events equally. The other kind is dependent on other people judging and giving a score based on what they thought. Most of the time, when there are controversies it is of these outcomes.  I thought that as time passes, they would reduce the opportunity for this and try and bring more objectivity to the games.  This year they introduced 'Skate Boarding'. I felt that itself was crazy. I was appalled to learn that they plan , in Paris 2024, to introduce 'Break Dancing' 🤦🏽‍♂️

When i was a boy, we used to listen to the radio a lot. It was a big as a whole cabinet. In 1982 we got our first tv. Later my dad tried sometime to explain how it worked, the vacuum tubes etc. Everything flew above my head.  I remember him telling me about how a new thing called 'transistors' were taking over the world. I couldn't understand anything. But I suspect my leaning towards electronics started from there, for I had no clue what he was talking about and I wanted to know. My uncle (my dad's brother) had visited us from the US. He worked with NASA. I would overhear some of his conversations with others. They spoke about the advancements done in computers. I had no clue what they were talking about. The next time he came, late 80's or 1990 I think, he gave me a Casio scientific calculator. We weren't allowed using the calculators then still. I didn't know what many of the functions meant. But I do remember that my dad was fascinated more by it than I

This note may sound a bit accusatory to everyone in general. It feels like I'm saying things taking a bit of a higher moral ground. I can assure you that is not the intent and I am guilty for all of the same things , a lot when I was able and some even now.. My state after the stroke has only allowed me a certain perspective which I am sharing. When I had the stroke, and was moved from the ICU to the ward (HDU), one of the biggest challenges I faced was to grab anyone's attention. I had no voice or movement of any sort.. I would be lying down looking for what seemed like an eternity for me, hoping that someone would lift their head and look at me and realise I needed something. (It's a different matter if they looked at me, I wouldn't know what to do anyway and it would make no difference). That started my animosity towards devices in general and I have been observing how they impact us ever since. My nurses in the house, all of them, care for me all day, everyday. Week

This is just me venting... So, I apologise for it in advance. I have in the recent past Written something about most folks hitting a crisis of sorts at some stage. We rarely sense it creeping up and are mostly hit by surprise. It is probably a slow diminishing of faculties, both physical and the mind, coupled with some incident. I am thinking the gradual-ness of the process somewhat cushions the impact and gives the mind certain time to adjust to it slowly. Unfortunately in my case, it was an overnight thing. I slept usually and woke up in a different reality. The mind had no time to adjust. Also, there was no damage to the mind (fortunately or unfortunately) so every detail of the struggle, both self and others around was fully perceivable. And as if to add insult to injury, i could not express what I was going through or what I was feeling for 18 months. I felt like I was a pressure cooker with no pressure valve. From then on, I have been rambling (on whatsapp) as much as I can, lett

Some days back, my wife told me, my younger daughter, who is all of 10 years, asked something in the lines of "why should we live and do everything if we are all going to die anyway?" I think that question might have been prompted by my dad's recent passing. While the question, now,  came out of pure innocence and genuine wonder, I suspect, it will be a few decades before she realises the profoundness of that question when probably faced with it again. I was watching the Netflix series 'The Crown' today. I have got till Season 3 and episode titled 'Moondust'. In that episode, prince Phillip, the Duke of Edinburg is shown facing a sort of crisis. He believes in action, achievements, etc. But he is completely disillusioned when he meets his idolized heroes, the first men on the moon, acting like mere men. His faith is shattered. He joins a group of priests, whom he had mocked earlier and goes on and does much for the studies on faith and spirituality. "

I have had a bascilar stroke 2 and half years ago. I'm bed ridden and no movement on right side and very limited movement on the left. So in diaper. I was on catheter for first 5 months. Later on, moved home and catheter was not easy to manage. For a few days, it was just diaper with change every 2-3 hours. In a little while, I realised I could feel the pressure in the bladder and I could ring a bell to indicate I have to go so the nurses could give urine can. So the change every few hours stopped. Although I could feel the need to go, there was no ability to control. I usually had 20 seconds from the feeling to passing. The feeling came every 2-3 hours. And about 400ml each time (i am on peg feeds so only on fluids also). There has been no difficulty passing and no urinary infections till date. However, over time, the frequency has increased and I need to go every 1.5- 2 hours and tolerance has reduced and the nurses have to react faster. Off late, maybe 2-3 weeks, it has become d