20210729 : just venting

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This is just me venting... So, I apologise for it in advance.

I have in the recent past Written something about most folks hitting a crisis of sorts at some stage.

We rarely sense it creeping up and are mostly hit by surprise. It is probably a slow diminishing of faculties, both physical and the mind, coupled with some incident. I am thinking the gradual-ness of the process somewhat cushions the impact and gives the mind certain time to adjust to it slowly.

Unfortunately in my case, it was an overnight thing. I slept usually and woke up in a different reality. The mind had no time to adjust. Also, there was no damage to the mind (fortunately or unfortunately) so every detail of the struggle, both self and others around was fully perceivable. And as if to add insult to injury, i could not express what I was going through or what I was feeling for 18 months. I felt like I was a pressure cooker with no pressure valve.

From then on, I have been rambling (on whatsapp) as much as I can, letting out some of the steam.

I do know now that it's not very unique to me. There are thousands of cases of Stroke in the pons (brain stem) and many folks go through being in a "locked in" state. Its not a consolation but unfortunate to know many go through this "hell on earth" 

There have been many miraculous recoveries like Brisa (https://youtu.be/6C9tg_T1X9o) to cases like Kati (https://youtu.be/BZXoimxv1Ng) on the other end. I know I'll end up somewhere inbetween on the scale, closer to which end, only time will tell.

The rehab over the 2 and half years has been so slow, it's unbelievable. I certainly feel like Brad Pitt in "The curious case of Benjamin Button"!

Whatsapp has been a big window to me. I consume a lot of content from TV, youtube, and news in general. But its all 1 way and leaves me wanting to engage with others. I have undoubtedly used whatsapp to vent at various times earlier too. But it has given me, my mind to engage with folks. To not only share my thoughts, but more importantly for me, to have some sort of dialogue after.
Many things I write, I don't expect a response, but i do anticipate a dialogue with few. Its a bit selfish, but what to do, that's all I can think of.
I used to send my thoughts to many. But I have stopped sending to many as it elicited no responses so I assume I was just being a nuisance to many.

I hope i don't bother you folks too much too often too and thank you for engaging with my mind, whenever you can 🙏🏼

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