Mind of my Stroked Brain

This is something as a pattern I have noticed with most of us. It might be right or wrong I don't know for sure, but I shall share it anyway.  I have always been a lengthy writer. I have not got very used to the messaging shortcuts and acronyms much. I tend to write sentences fully. Messages have become a big part of my life now. I mostly exist in the WhatsApp world. Earlier (years ago), I used to live in the world of emails. Even in emails, I tend to be liberal with the content. Mostly detailed/ descriptive about what I am conveying or asking or instructing.  When I moved into the messages world, I tended to do the same thing. It worked well with what I am conveying, however with the other two categories, I was not very successful and was seeing something interesting. Let us say i wanted to know about 3 things.  I would describe the 3 things in 3 paragraphs in detail and assume it was clear. However, I would receive a response about the first one only. Next I started to ...

I have come across many teachers over the years. I don't mean just teacher in the classroom setting in school/ colleges. Any interaction where one person (the teacher) is trying to teach something/ impart knowledge to the other/s (student/s)  As a broad generalization, in my mind, I have grouped them all into 3 categories. 1. Teachers who really want the student to learn what they are trying to teach. They come from a genuine intent to impart the knowledge. They will try different things to make it easy for the student to pick it up. Basically, they put the onus of the student successfully learning on themselves. They may not be experts themselves, but what they know, they will impart very effectively. There are very few of these. When we come across them, it is a memorable experience. When we are usually asked to recollect teachers who have made an impact on us, they are usually the ones that make the cut. 2. The second category is folks who "go through the motions". The...

This probably is complete nonsense when validated with science/ medical understanding.... But I think so anyway. When I was growing up, I don't remember the basis for it, but I grew up with a common understanding that there was something called reflex action. The body/ limbs react to certain conditions/ stimulus by not having to think but just do things as a reaction. The belief I used to have ( I don't know if I read it somewhere or gathered it in a conversation), was that - these stimuli don't have to go to the brain but the spine itself has the necessary intelligence to give an instant reaction. Whether it is touching something hot, some localised pain/ impact etc. Unfortunately, from my experience, none of it works for me. I am living proof (for me) that no such intelligence resides in the spine and it is a passive body part - just a thick wire. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any part of my body. The only bit missing is it is not fully connected with the brain. ...

For all my adult life (before the stroke) I was very pleased with how I had managed to maintain my teeth. I would brush for a considerable while everyday accessing nooks and corners. Needless to say, in a few days my brush would bloom like a flower (or become like a cactus - like they show in advertisements) . I was tempted many times across the years to get a rotary electric toothbrush. But I, like a purist and their principles, would not succumb to such thoughts. For 3½ years now I have not brushed my teeth. It is just cleaned by the nurses everyday by wiping with a gauze pieces, dabbed with mouthwash held by artery scissors. What they can clean is very limited as they can't reach much owing to my jaw. Few days back, one of the nurses suggested I get an electric toothbrush so she can clean the front teeth better - as they were getting yellow! I jumped at the request and got one immediately. Principles and all were out of the window! We used it today. The best part is that it can ...

Most animals live a very full life. I think they can be in-the-moment because they are unable to think deeply about consequences and how it might affect their future. Ability to understand consequences - the very thing that sets us apart and makes us human and at the apex of the food chain.  Whenever a new circumstance opens up to us - the first thing we do is think, evaluate consequences and act accordingly. No doubt it is what keeps us safe or from doing foolish things, but is it the very thing that is holding us back and preventing us from leading life to the fullest potential...

I can only do what I can do;    No more no less. What I am able to , I should do;   No more no less. What I do, I should do with a good intention; And with all my heart and mind;   No more no less.

I woke up last night (around 3:00am am I think). I woke up for something and couldn't put myself back to sleep. I was laying rolling different thoughts in my head - both previous day's events and various abstract junk. There were so many thoughts I wanted to do something, follow up with things and many new things popping up here and there. I have had a lot of time to mull over many thangs in the past but this was a different experience with so many things popping up at once. There may be something to do with the time. I was panicking with the thoughts. Not because the thoughts themselves were difficult ones but there were too many too fast. My issue is if I have any thoughts in the middle of the night, I can't get up, put on the light, take a paper and pen and jot it down so I can remember them later. I have to make that list in my head and try to remember later. I was panicking because there were so many things I wanted to remember and follow up and I knew I would fall bac...

This is not new if folks know facts. But for me it was a revelation, realisation and a very new experience. Everyday during my physio, the therapist makes me stand. Just stand no movement and no support. It is a very very difficult thing for me to do - not just because my muscles are a mush, but also because the stroke has affected my sense of balance a lot. It was very bad initially and has gotten better slowly over the years. Over many many days of doing this and I have managed close to a minute. Then I start swaying like a leaf in the breeze and the therapist taps me constantly in the opposite direction to push back the centre of gravity to the middle. I have forever assumed that balance is controlled by the inner ear fluid. Not that anything happened to my inner ear with the stroke but I am guessing the inner ear has to communicate with the brain anyway to achieve this - and there lay my problem. I was very happy and proud even to get over the minute mark recently. It was a good in...

I usually go on a hunting trip on YouTube on my phone. Things I think might be interesting, I add it to my "watch later" list. I don't watch them on my phone. Later, when I find time, I watch them on the TV. (The list has grown to over 50 now!). When I am watching later, there are hits and misses. Usually in about first 1½ minutes I make up my mind whether it is interesting enough to invest the rest of my time (they are usually 12 - 20 minutes long). If I find it not worthy, I switch to the next one. A while ago, I had started to watch a documentary/ movie on Netflix. I I think I watched about 10 minutes of it. It was slow and I didn't find it very captivating. I stopped watching it and switched. After that, I got a recommendation for watching it by someone. I didn't watch it again. I had already tried to and had discontinued. However, I had a few more folks recommended it to me. It piqued my curiosity. I watched it again. This time I forced myself to go past the ...