Mind of my Stroked Brain

On the day when i had the stroke, some very interesting things happened. The instant I had the stroke, the very instant, i saw it happening. I say i saw it, because i was seeing it from not inside myself but outside. The view was somewhere near my feet, a bit above. I was sleeping on my stomach with my face turned left. I clearly saw somebodys hand, actually not full hand, just palm reach to my right shoulder, just close to the neck, and yank at  it. It  tore the flesh, made a loud ripping noise like you get when you rip a velcro. And the whole body moved down a few inches. The next instand i was back seeing from inside, as usual... The room was spinning, and i threw up next to the bed..i remember thinking its vertigo caused by anxiety and stress and i ll be fine in a few days. I remember one of my managers having had it in Melb a few  years ago and was out of action for a few days. I was very anxious that day as we were having a team from a big company from uk visiting us in the morn

It's very frustrating being told by everybody constantly that you have to do more, you have to try harder, put more effort, put more energy, etc. Like anyone wants or enjoys being like this! The bloody wires are fried! There are no control systems! I just cant make the body listen! 😠 To add insult to injury, they will perform the task and show you how it's done. I bloody know how to. Just cant do it. Thats what i meant by theory and practicals!!! Just have to keep up the chanting ....🧘‍♂️

My dreams are pretty weird.. i dont mean in the traditional sense...im sure everyone dreams senseless.. its weird where it plays out..  From the time ive had the stroke, no matter the weirdness of the storyline, it plays out in only in 3 places 1. My old  house, before renovation 2. my grandmothers house, and the lane near it. 3. The playground/ basketball ground in my high school Its so weird, i have lived in so many houses, in so many places, practically lived in play grounds everyday, but zilch, nada.. nothing ever figures in my stories.. all the people i ever knew feature, but only these 3 places. Also, what all i remember baffles me. So much detail it sometimes scares me. I can remember even the cobweb pattern on the metal grill of a ventilator , which you could only see from the roof.. the design and print of the old carpet incl where all it had got worn out, the list is endless... So, the memories were always there i had just forgotten how to access them. The stroke somehow rewi

The Early mornings are the hardest.... Not because i dont like the time, i used to be an early riser earlier... The problem is the dreams. In my dreams, however vague the storyline, I'm still healthy, active, normal. When i wake up, I'm still in bed like a vegetable. Reality hits me. For a brief few moments, I'm confused which is the reality and for it to sink in. My body shudders and moves violently, involuntarily.. I feel like a dog running and chasing something in its sleep, if you ve seen one.. Thats why i dont sleep again during the day, no matter how tired i am. I dread going thru the feeling again. But what i dread more is that someday I'll appear as a vegetable even in my dreams. That will be the day, i feel, the subconscious has also given up... Till then, the struggle continues..

We all normally have 5 senses. Thats how we perceive the world. The mind uses the senses to interpret the world. We only know everything because we are taught that way. Ex. We all agree something is red because we are taught that way. If everyone is asked to rate the depth of that colour from 1 to 100 ,they would all be different. A colour blind person will be way off. Everything is the way it is because everyone agrees not because its true but because there is consensus. I went in this thinking because, My eyesight isnt ok. The combined image formed is nonsense. My ability to smell is very diminished and damaged. Cant rely on it, i know because , when others are complaining of something, i wont even be getting the smell. I dont even have to start about my toungue and taste. While left ear seems ok, right ear is stone deaf and a constant high pitched shrill noise playing constantly. My sense of feel is unique. Ive realised i can only feel movement and not actual touch. Ex, if someone

The "mind ahead" problem: Basically, my hand and fingers move very slowly. I have to put the phone on th lap so i can type one key at a time with one finger very slowly. I cant see the message on the screen at this angle as im typing it. The mind is running at the usual pace and the finger it trying desperately to cath up. The result, letters get dropped from words and small words from sentenses. Best part is the mind doesnt even realise it. It thinks everything is ok. Only in the end of a msg  and i lift the phone and read it fully, do i realize the amount of mistakes and correct them. Its a very amusing problem when the brain messes with you .😀 Thats what i have termed "Mind Ahead" problem...