Mind of my Stroked Brain

I have come across many teachers over the years. I don't mean just teacher in the classroom setting in school/ colleges. Any interaction where one person (the teacher) is trying to teach something/ impart knowledge to the other/s (student/s)  As a broad generalization, in my mind, I have grouped them all into 3 categories. 1. Teachers who really want the student to learn what they are trying to teach. They come from a genuine intent to impart the knowledge. They will try different things to make it easy for the student to pick it up. Basically, they put the onus of the student successfully learning on themselves. They may not be experts themselves, but what they know, they will impart very effectively. There are very few of these. When we come across them, it is a memorable experience. When we are usually asked to recollect teachers who have made an impact on us, they are usually the ones that make the cut. 2. The second category is folks who "go through the motions". The

This probably is complete nonsense when validated with science/ medical understanding.... But I think so anyway. When I was growing up, I don't remember the basis for it, but I grew up with a common understanding that there was something called reflex action. The body/ limbs react to certain conditions/ stimulus by not having to think but just do things as a reaction. The belief I used to have ( I don't know if I read it somewhere or gathered it in a conversation), was that - these stimuli don't have to go to the brain but the spine itself has the necessary intelligence to give an instant reaction. Whether it is touching something hot, some localised pain/ impact etc. Unfortunately, from my experience, none of it works for me. I am living proof (for me) that no such intelligence resides in the spine and it is a passive body part - just a thick wire. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any part of my body. The only bit missing is it is not fully connected with the brain.

For all my adult life (before the stroke) I was very pleased with how I had managed to maintain my teeth. I would brush for a considerable while everyday accessing nooks and corners. Needless to say, in a few days my brush would bloom like a flower (or become like a cactus - like they show in advertisements) . I was tempted many times across the years to get a rotary electric toothbrush. But I, like a purist and their principles, would not succumb to such thoughts. For 3½ years now I have not brushed my teeth. It is just cleaned by the nurses everyday by wiping with a gauze pieces, dabbed with mouthwash held by artery scissors. What they can clean is very limited as they can't reach much owing to my jaw. Few days back, one of the nurses suggested I get an electric toothbrush so she can clean the front teeth better - as they were getting yellow! I jumped at the request and got one immediately. Principles and all were out of the window! We used it today. The best part is that it can

Most animals live a very full life. I think they can be in-the-moment because they are unable to think deeply about consequences and how it might affect their future. Ability to understand consequences - the very thing that sets us apart and makes us human and at the apex of the food chain.  Whenever a new circumstance opens up to us - the first thing we do is think, evaluate consequences and act accordingly. No doubt it is what keeps us safe or from doing foolish things, but is it the very thing that is holding us back and preventing us from leading life to the fullest potential...

I can only do what I can do;    No more no less. What I am able to , I should do;   No more no less. What I do, I should do with a good intention; And with all my heart and mind;   No more no less.

I woke up last night (around 3:00am am I think). I woke up for something and couldn't put myself back to sleep. I was laying rolling different thoughts in my head - both previous day's events and various abstract junk. There were so many thoughts I wanted to do something, follow up with things and many new things popping up here and there. I have had a lot of time to mull over many thangs in the past but this was a different experience with so many things popping up at once. There may be something to do with the time. I was panicking with the thoughts. Not because the thoughts themselves were difficult ones but there were too many too fast. My issue is if I have any thoughts in the middle of the night, I can't get up, put on the light, take a paper and pen and jot it down so I can remember them later. I have to make that list in my head and try to remember later. I was panicking because there were so many things I wanted to remember and follow up and I knew I would fall bac

This is not new if folks know facts. But for me it was a revelation, realisation and a very new experience. Everyday during my physio, the therapist makes me stand. Just stand no movement and no support. It is a very very difficult thing for me to do - not just because my muscles are a mush, but also because the stroke has affected my sense of balance a lot. It was very bad initially and has gotten better slowly over the years. Over many many days of doing this and I have managed close to a minute. Then I start swaying like a leaf in the breeze and the therapist taps me constantly in the opposite direction to push back the centre of gravity to the middle. I have forever assumed that balance is controlled by the inner ear fluid. Not that anything happened to my inner ear with the stroke but I am guessing the inner ear has to communicate with the brain anyway to achieve this - and there lay my problem. I was very happy and proud even to get over the minute mark recently. It was a good in