20220601 : procrastination

After my stroke, from about the last year maybe, I tend to do things quickly. What I can do is very very minimal anyway, but what I am able to do with the help of the phone, I tend to do it quickly.

Stuff I would regularly put off for later, for tomorrow, for afterwards usually. Procrastination basically.

It's probably the 2 odd years of absolute inability to do anything that gives the drive. Maybe there is also the rude realisation that later may not happen, tomorrow may not come or it may be nothing like I imagined. Whatever it is, I tend to do stuff then and there.

I get pleasantly surprised about it and how much gets done (maybe very minimal from a normal person point of view, but quite a bit for my situation and standards). As I said, what I can do is very minimal - but things I would normally put off gets done.

I have often wondered why I was not doing this earlier. Why would I lean towards procrastination instead of acting on something. I was fundamentally active and not lazy I think.

I feel it is at its core a fatigue of making decisions mostly. Almost all things tend to have some sort of a decision to be made followed by the action. Some sort of choice. I think the action itself is not tiring usually but making a decision is.

So I would put off things with "I'll think about it later" or "I'll decide later" or "I'll know more about it later to decide", so on.

What I have realised is it is mind's way of avoiding decisions because of some form of decision fatigue.

Due to my inability to do anything quickly and limited time available to me everyday - I was kinda forced to do things when I could.

I have also realised - procrastinated things don't go away. As time passes, new things come along and the pile builds up. After it goes beyond a limit, we simply cannot deal with the volume of things in the pile and things start slipping and falling off. It is not a "I don't want to do it" problem it's just too much backlog.

And what I feel, usually, no better information or inputs or data will become available in a reasonable time to make a better decision needed in the timeframe. Sometimes they do, but most times they don't. Much later, (in hindsight) it may seem right or wrong, but at the time, that is the best we have. So it is simply "what is the next best thing to do" rather than right or wrong.

Later, if it seems wrong, it is better to own up and make amends or apologise for something done incorrect rather than apologising for not acting when possible...

It think it is rightly said - sometimes it is better to do something and ask for forgiveness rather than do nothing waiting for permission...