20211129 : my Prayer routine

Every night, just before I sleep, I pray. That must sound unlike me, but yes. I do chant a small prayer exactly 32 times.

For those who know it - its "रामस्कंदुम हनुमंतम ..."

When I had the stroke, the spincter muscles at the base and top of the oesophagus I guess had no idea what to do, so I used to have a lot of regurgitation. After every feed, something would happen and the abdomen would squeeze 3-4 times. It would happen after every feed. The result - whatever was in the stomach (good amount of it I guess) would definitely come up to the throat. After coming up to the throat, it would inevitably go into the wind pipe. All joy for sometime after.

When I had the trachiostomy, there was a tube to the wind pipe and they could suction it out . Vacuum clean the wind pipe.

Once the trachiostomy was removed, I had to cough everything up. It used to be a horrible nightmare. I used to dread being fed everytime. That was my biggest fear/ worry to get the trachiostomy removed. I couldn't tell anyone about it.

This still happens - sometimes, not everytime I am fed. Also coughing up has become a little stronger and relatively easy to bring it up after.

Anyway, It used to be the worst for my last feed at 11:30pm. Most of the nurses I have had have no clue what a stroke is and do'es/ don'ts associated - let alone someone in my condition.

After the last feed (it's late and curtains down time), so most would immediately recline my the bed to prepare me to sleep. 

This would only make it worse. Increase the regurgitation, increase the aspiration and reduce the ability to cough. Increased joy!

After I got the ability to WhatsApp, I could tell them to wait for 5-10 minutes after that feed before reclining the bed. 

But they could not understand why I was asking it. It was done - but not knowing the importance it held to me.

Inevitably, when was a change and new nurse came, this would be forgotten to be told (among many things), as there is no proper handover process. Most often, they are comfortable in different languages and understanding each other and handing over basic things itself is a feat.

So I had to do the drill all over. They would do it after a few reminders etc.

Sometime back, during and after feed, I was exercising my thumb by moving it all over my palm and fingers. 

The nurse then patiently waited for sometime and asked me if I was done with my prayers. That is when I realised why she was silently waiting for me to finish.

It was too late, inconvenient to type and correct her - so I left it.

Next night, I had forgotten the incident. But after the feed, she asked me whether I would do my prayers - so she can wait. That's when I got reminded.

I don't know why I didn't say no, I just played along and did my exercise for my thumb for sometime and later indicated I was done. This time, to make it look authentic, I closed my eyes.

Was I conning her? Maybe. But it served my purpose of introducing a wait period after feed before sleeping. And it was not harming anyone. So I continued my practical joke.

Few days later, she remarked that my prayers got over sooner that night.

Closing my eyes was not sufficient for seeming authentic, it had to be the same timeframe everytime.

We have 3 joints on each finger. So 4 counts on each finger if the fingertip is counted as well. 4 fingers (the thumb is the one keeping count). So 16 in all.

But that chant is quick. 16 times gets over fast. So I say it 32 times. Easy to keep count. 

Not because some scripture prescribed so. Only because it was a convenient count for me.

When my nurse had to be changed, whether anything else was explained/handed over or not, she made it a point to tell the incoming nurse that I was very religious and before sleeping I will do my prayers. They have to wait for me to complete it and then switch off the lights etc.

That was brilliant! Ensured handover.

So, like a proper religious man, I follow my daily prayers. It has become a proper ritual now.

I can't help thinking how many other rituals/ traditions we follow, without knowing why we do something in a particular way...

Why that particular chant/ prayer you ask?

It is a prayer to god (lord Rama and his companions), to protect us from bad dreams in the night.

I chant it not because I feel lord Rama will come and drive away the monsters from underneath the bed...

Before my stroke, this was the chant/prayer I would say loudly with my kids before putting them to sleep at night. Feels good that's all...