20220417 : Meaning... Purpose...

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Many years back, I had read this book called "Man's search for meaning" by "Vicktor Franknel"

He was a holocaust survivor and a psychologist if I remember right.

It is about why few folks survived the extreme circumstances of the holocaust and most could not.

It's a very good book - highlighting the need to find meaning - a sort of a purpose to struggle through everything.

I have often tried to think of what is my purpose. How do I find meaning through all this - the hand that life has dealt.

The truth is I am yet to find that answer.

Sure there is a role I am playing - a husband, a father, a son, a brother, a friend to many, so on, and those roles I am trying to fulfill what I can.

But I have found no bigger purpose or meaning. There probably is none, I am not sure.

Everyday is the same - wake up, feeds, physio, feeds, exercise, feeds, sit on wheelchair, exercises, feeds, move back, bath, feeds, sleep. 

It is peppered with bathroom breaks and cleaning as needed.

Sure, I watch TV and sometimes folks visit me.

But the routine is the same.

It is very hard to find reason to get up everyday and make it through the day.

I have stopped trying to find meaning.

I look for a purpose. Not a grand purpose. Just enough purpose to get through the day.

Sometimes it is "I have to send this note today". Sometimes it is "I have to send these mails today". sometimes it is "I have to get these things or pay for these things today" etc.

Somedays there is nothing at all to do. To keep the mind engaged.

Those are also the days Amazon, Myntra, etc, show a lot of love towards me. They may have some algorithm tracking when I am most vulnerable and susceptible.

Most times I do something custom - like a printed tshirt, or a mug or something usually useless.

It doesn't cost much. But the small bits add up. Little drops of water...

They give me a purpose, not any grand purpose, but enough purpose to get through the day - till I can find some grand purpose and meaning to propel my everyday routine....

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