20220329 : Polished bowl

Some days back, my TV broke.

No, it did not break down. It broke! Period!

When I was in the hospital, my nurses took turns alternate days to stay at the hospital.

One of them, one of the days, thought it was a good idea (and it was a good idea), to open all the windows and air the room.

We get very high winds in this apartment. It's especially high if  windows are open on both sides due to cross winds.

The TV is in front of one of the windows. Like an open sail, it caught the wind and tipped over. These LED TVs are very light also.

So basically it committed suicide. The screen/ panel looked like a windshield of a head-on collision.

I was not sure what to do. I definitely needed a TV. I would surely go insane without one.

The last time I had needed to get this model repaired, it took months and they had given up - unable to get the parts for this model. They had given a replacement as it was still under warranty.

So, getting it fixed, was out of the question.

I had to buy one. Again!

Do I have the money in the bank? Yes I did.

Sometime back I have written how I feel with these kinds of spending. And I was in the hospital when I found out - not very encouraging to go for it.

Next option is to ask someone to help with this.

Now I was not comfortable to do this. Not because I was worried someone would refuse, but there would be - how do I put it; a problem of plenty owing to everyone's good nature on the back of friendships/ relationships.

I did not feel it ok to leverage the strength of our friendship/ relationships for this effect.

It was then I felt how about I ask for help from total strangers. So I don't leverage the strength of relationships/ friendships for the ask for help.

But I didn't know how to go about it. I didn't want to put up why I wanted help on some social media site either. 

So I went on one of the crowdfunding platforms and looked around.

It was not like I was doing any detailed research. But the stories are heartwrenching.

I kinda saw a pattern. Of course each of them has a heartbreaking case behind it, but very crudely speaking, it was "this is broken, help me fix it".

There probably is, I didn't read a lot, but I didn't find any "this is going to break, help me avoid it" type of ask.

Was the society even ready to hear a preventative effort instead of a curative one.

If preventing costed X. Fixing it after breaking would cost 100X maybe.

Can we break out of that conditioning of curative focus - that has been exasperated by the insurance industry.

I had an ask. A genuine ask. Would absolute strangers see reason in the ask.

One thing I had seen. Everyone was very specific on what they are asking for. No ambiguity.

So I did some research on which TV to buy if I had to. Had to be good in specifications and not an expensive thing. Value for money basically. 

I zeroed in on the brand/ model.

Then I signed up, created what is called a campaign, wrote up a story (yes its called a story), made as true as a representation of the ask and took it online. 

I am hoping it was close to reality and accurately represented the why and what I was asking.

Then I realised, how will anybody know about it? I am not on any social media platforms to broadcast. Nor did I want anyone to do it on my behalf - that would defeat the purpose.

I could not share it with folks i knew - again it would kill the purpose.

I thought about it and posted it on a WhatsApp support group I am part of - while everyone there has a common link, nobody knows me really.

But I was informed by the moderator that it was the group's policy not to have any appeals there. So I took it down from there.

I hit a dead end. 

So, reluctantly, I sent it to a few of you requesting not to directly act but forward to some folks wo had absolutely no idea who i was. 

It would still skew the parties because of influence, but that's all I had to go with.

I thought I could follow up later if there were any contributors and understand the thought process more of the donors.

I figured I was swimming in the reef, trying to follow colourful small fish - and find out why it swam this way when the school swam in the other direction normally.

To my surprise/ shock, i was hit by Moby Dick (or Mary Dame🤷🏽‍♂️) - it was an anonymous donor.

I had a need. I made an ask. The ask was met . Was it satisfied? - Completely!

I wanted to understand the donor psychology for such an outlandish ask . Was it done satisfactorily ? - absolutely not.

I wanted to experience one more thing. Asking for help from people I didn't know. 

Very polished bowl it may be, it is nonetheless a begging bowl.

There is a multitude of emotions, feelings and thoughts to overcome the ego and self image to get to do it letting go of inhibitions.

 I wanted to know if I am upto it. Was it satisfied? Id say partially. I think it will be harder to ask known folks than unknown people. I still have to digest this better in my head.

For now, I gotta go. I have a TV to order...

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20220329:

This is an apology. An apology for my actions running up to the note earlier today.

I thought it was a straightforward/ simple thing I was doing. Clearly I was not thinking Or I was not thinking clearly. I probably was high (I was indeed having excess oxygen supplied to me past few days).

I realised what I did (and the metaphors I used in my note), stirred up a lot of emotions in many of you. While that was not the intention, most were extremely concerned about my (our) situation. 

Many of you contacted me to know if everything was ok. Now I did reassure folks who wrote to me that everything is ok. But I knew I had done the damage. I am certain any amount of my reassuring will not have cut it. I have to live with that.

Many of you (who have managed to get through), have kept my wife busy trying to assure you that things are fine.

I hope she will distance herself from my crazy antics instead of having to explain them.

Yes, it started out with an ask but very soon, it became something else and not about the money.

Anyway, I am sorry for raking up those concerned emotions in you.

But I am very reassured. If something does happen needing such help/ intervention, there will be no shortage of folks who genuinely care and will help.

I just have to behave and stop crying wolf!

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20220330:

When I set up this online platform campaign, I did not expect to have bitten off more than I could chew. I should have realised I haven't chewed in 3 years and I may choke!

When I setup the campaign, I had set it up for 29,999 INR.

On the first day, I got Moby Dick/ Mary Dame give 30,000 INR.

So, while it was confusing, I went to the online platform so I could close the campaign.

Unfortunately, as much as I looked, I did not find the big Red button.

In one of their pages, it said I could with a particular setting - which was not being shown to me.

Couple of hours later, I received a congratulations mail from the platform for reaching the goal and the campaign would close automatically in 24 hrs, unless I reset the goal manually.

It was ok, I had to do nothing. The platform was smart!

The other thing is, I may have raised 30k, but I can't withdraw the funds till they do a KYC on my account and approve it.

They said it'll be done in 48hrs. It is 96hrs since. It has not yet been approved. Red flag!

Yesterday, I received another donation. The campaign had not been closed. It was definitely 24hrs.

It was for INR 54,571. Strange number. Turns out its exactly SGD 1,000.

Now I panicked. I didn't expect foreign funds to come in!

I went to their very long page - the one we don't usually read and press "I Accept" on. I was particularly interested to understand what I have accepted wrt AML and FERA regulations.

Its ok with AML i guess - as its all white.

However I can't say I am clean with all Foreign Exchange regulations. Its hard to know - given its all legalese. We don't usually speak that tongue.

But somewhere, amongst all that clutter, I found a glimmer of hope.

Translated to English, it means - if the campaign is found frivolous, it will be cancelled and all the funds will be automatically returned to donors - Anonymous or not. That is brilliant and the best outcome now.

There is a lot of stuff on regulations to access the funds.

If it is medical related, the funds can only be directly transferred to the hospital or treating establishment.

Else if, it is related to someone grieving, it can only be transferred to that specific individual and they need documents to prove the relationship.

So on. Recognise the pattern? Its a very big IF then ELSE clause.

I didn't find any matching condition for "I want to stay sane, I want to get a TV" anywhere.

I also found fine print (in the same legalese tongue of course) which simply translates to:

It might be donations to donors, but to you, its just income by a different name. So the taxman will pay you a visit at the end of the year (which is tomorrow!).

So, the campaign is still open, if you want to see more fun, please donate some USD. It is even more complicated! 🙂

Meanwhile, I lay in quiet wait, hoping th campaign will get cancelled. Let's see, I'll let you know how it ends...