20220317 : patience, actions and awareness

As I go through this journey/ process of rehab, I am realising it is a process of patience and efforts.

It is probably different for different conditions and strokes, however this is what I am encountering.

Of course one needs to exercise both for any recovery - generally speaking.

However I guess it is not a case of both overall, but sequential for every bit.

Initially, when I was just a lump of flesh and bones, I could not move a muscle anywhere. I guess there is a lot of encouragement to do things etc etc. However it only needs patience and more patience.

I remember, there was everyone encouraging and pushing to do this and that, do more, etc. And I would be wondering what they mean. 

The brain was not connected to the body. Its very difficult to describe the feeling but simply put, I didn't know what it means. I knew what is being asked but I didn't know what it bodily meant.

For ex, I would be asked in physio to move some part, in swallowing therapy i would be asked to swallow harder, in speech therapy I would be asked to voice or blow or cough etc. In all those cases, I knew what was being asked but I did not know what it means bodily. This is an absolutely frustrating time.

This just needs a lot of patience. The brain has to heal. It has to do its work. I know there is a lot of do this do that. There is also a lot of think positive, imagine stuff, visualise etc. It might work for some. I don't think any of it worked - at least for me it didn't.

I don't think anyone can predict what the brain will do, how long it will take, wether it will etc. Its an absolute black box.

So it needs a lot of patience. To just wait, without knowing whether it will do its job.

It also needs another kind of patience. To recognise that everyone comes from a space of encouragement and not get irritated but to just ignore calmly.

At some random time. I knew what is being asked. What to do.

However the prolonged immobility had caused so much atrophy and muscle wasting it's not even funny 

I guess this is when the brain figured out the way, but the brawn is not capable.

It then shifts from patience to effort. Relentless efforts. Continuous efforts and more efforts. It takes a heck of a long time too. 

Building some muscle, giving it strength, giving it range of motion, developing flexibility, developing gross motion to fine motor actions, etc. takes a lot of time and effort.

This also needs some patience. Folks who have not been used to see you move, will ask you to give it a rest, to take a break, don't overdo, etc. It needs the patience to recognise it comes from a space of care and not get irritated with anyone, to ignore calmly and keep at it.

Plus, the sheer joy of being able to do something after years - it just trumps any caution and is simply unstoppable.

The transition between is not sudden either. Thare is no switch that gets toggled. Sometimes for some things it has been months.

I guess this is the time when the brain is connecting by trial and error each time. Sometimes you can feel and other times you can't. Somedays you can move something and other days, same thing doesn't move.

This needs a different kind of patience. To not get frustrated with self but to be on heightened awareness to observe the changes and recognise when the connections get strong and the feelings and movements consistent and reliable so that we can shift gears from waiting to start acting.

What I described above is not for the whole of the body either. The phases are traversed for every muscle and ability, and each of them are working on their own timeframes.

So the whole body is in all the 3 phases at different parts.

So you are exercising patience/ waiting, awareness/ observation and exercise/ action for each part seperately all the time.

The tricky bit is to understand which part is where and act accordingly...