20211220 : the test

I had gone for a check up today to the hospital.

It was an endoscopy test. 

Tube with camera goes through the nostril, through the nasal cavity and down to view the throat, Vocal folds etc. 

Usual stuff. No fuss there.

The fun started after.

The doc suggested we do a "Barium swallow test" so as to confirm something before recommending next course of action.

Instead of doing the whole exercise of going home, scheduling again and coming all the way again, it made a lot more sense to finish it off the same visit.

Some checking and they confirmed we can be accommodated today.

So we went to another floor another department. That place is a maze. We need Google maps to find our way anywhere.

After getting there , they said it's a quick test. Except I needed a covid negative report.

The option was going back or get their rapid test. Logic prevailed again. 

Except, we had to go to the emergency department for it.

Different floor and some more playing in the maze.

It took a while, I can swear taking the swab from my nostril was more uncomfortable and painful than the endoscopy tube.

After some wait and being fleeced for the covid test - I was declared safe material and we made our way back.

Now I am familiar with the Barium swallow test.

I am made to swallow a mildly barium fluid, which acts like a contrast dye, so that we can do a video x-ray of what happens in the throat.

Except, I was alone this time inside the lab. no familiar speech therapist, no familiar doctor, no other familiar faces... That got me a bit apprehensive.

The technician asked me if I understood English. I was tempted to indicate 'no' and see what happens... In a rare sense of restraint, I behaved.

He explained the process and I indicated I understood.

Now, it was 6 hours since my last feed. I hadn't factored all this unplanned stuff. My body is used to be fed every 2 hours. My body was famished. I can't feel hunger much, but I can sence the depletion by other indicators like stiffness, tiredness, etc.

I was ready to gorge on radium or plutonium if they gave any.

The barium solution is a white slightly thick fluid. Reminds me of emulsion paint. Very hard to describe the taste. It tastes like a very bad antacid mixed with battery solution and a metallic aftertaste.

'Disgusting' in one word.

The xray machine is like a very big horse shoe. The big drum of xray generator on one side and the receiver/recorder on the other.

The subject (my face/ throat in this case) has to be in the middle.

So I was placed there. The big drum was about 1 Cm from my face - I am thinking not a great idea...

The lead person told me that they will give the solution and told me "hold it in the mouth and swallow when I tell you"

I was laughing in my head thinking "ha ha ha ya right. I wouldn't be in the horse shoe if I could do all that"

Previous time, my speech therapist was there. She knew my capabilities and had given a spoonful of that godforsaken liquid.

I should have suspected it. There was no spoon visible.

The paper cup in which they serve coffee in the trains - half of the cup was poured into the mouth in one go.

Within half a second, predictably , the volcano erupted.

The first thing I thought of was the drum 1 cm from my face. Thankfully, I had the sense to remove my glasses when the process was being explained earlier.

I was head banging on the drum with lava flowing everywhere.

In my head, I was relaxed. I am used to this drama every afternoon.

But them. They thought they would stroll on a pleasant mountain and it suddenly erupted unannounced.

There were 6 people in the room who all hit the panic mode instantly.

One was holding me, another was desperately trying to remove the horse shoe, one was trying to wipe all the lava flowing, one was shouting "suction" (vaccuum cleaner small enough to go inside the mouth/throat), another was rushing to get the suction machine and realised it was not connected, another shouting "tongue depressor" so on...

It was cacophony for a while.

I was enjoying the show.

Then the real mysery stated, there is no tube anymore for the suction from my throat. The pipe had to go in from my mouth. Next couple of minutes was torture. Worse than the actual swallow-aspiration-cough.

I was constantly indicating I was ok with a 'thumbs up' I don't think they are familiar with that signal. The lead person was constantly saying 'still getting a gurgling noise' between telling me to cough, swallow, suck the tube, etc and I am again thinking "I wouldn't be here if I was able to do any of that"

Anyway, it took 5 minutes to prep, 5 seconds for the test and about 12 minutes to clean me up, make me presentable - almost, couldn't remove the emulsion paint from my clothes, compose themselves - every one of them had the 'deer in the headlights' look initially.

The icing on the cake was when the genuinely concerned technician asked me if I wanted a glass of water.

Really, after all that fun. In my head I was ROFL.

Anyway, all mundane stuff afterwards. We found our way out of the maze, got into the car, more traffic and got home.

I am not very surprised about the tests. Everything was as I predicted in my head.

But I was overjoyed. 

Not because I had my outing - though it had been 8 months.

Not because I saw things outside - I can barely see stuff when moving. When we are slow or stationery - all I saw was traffic.

No, none of those.

I was thrilled because my test was a huge success.

I was running a test of my own alongside.

My incontinence has gone bad. I pee every 1~ 1.5 hrs. That is my biggest worry going out.

I get fed every 2 hours.

350 ~ 400ml feed + 100ml water each time.

Today I had feeds at 6am, 8am & 10am. Nothing afterwards.

8hrs no feed before that in the night.

I cut the feed to 200ml and very little water (maybe 30ml).

The body has a survival mechanism. If it senses a sudden depletion of fluids, it will run on conservation mode. Reducing loss in sweating, reducing saliva secretion, slowing down the kidneys etc.

And it worked.

I left my bed at home at 12:05pm and I was back to my bed at 6:10pm

No urine!!!

And I survived 8 hrs of no feed (except a little bit of battery acid)

I was not worried about the empty stomach. I was more worried about a full bladder..

I can do upto 6 hrs. Yay!!!