Thoughts are not linear to easily understand how we came across some line of thinking. It jumps from one to another seemingly unrelated thoughts. This is one such thing. I have no idea why I started thinking about this... Note: as usual, some of the things I have said might not be relatable to everyone and even offend some of you. Please ignore and read no further in such a case... "Survival of the fittest by natural selection" - that is Darwin's famous and well accepted theory explaining evolution. According to it , simply put, evolution is a random series of mistakes (genetic mutations) which makes specimens of species either fitter or weaker and subsequently, nature has a brutal mechanism of weeding out everything that was less fit as against a fitter specimen and the better one survives. It applies to everything from animals, plants, insects, birds, fish, etc., etc. That is how any species has not just survived but gotten better and better over the year...
Yup, 6-er today. 6 years since I had my stroke. I had the stroke when I was 43. If I make it to the end of this year, I will complete my ½ century on the scoreboard overall. I can certainly say this past year has been the year of regression in my rehabilitation - both physically and mentally. Physical fitness (unfitness actually) has probably dragged the mind in a negative/ downward spiral as well. Physically, there have been no real gains. Both my right leg and hand have become worse than they were a year ago. Been additionally having a nagging back ache for many weeks now which is not allowing me to do usual physiotherapy routines. I felt there was some gains inbetween with voicing but that has been lost as well for sometime. So, all in, not a positive year. Mentally, day to day mundane activities I am doing fine. But the deeper mind which deals with more existential thoughts has decayed a lot. I am not able to reconcile the need to exist. I think I have written about this...
Recently, I wrote that I am living on the edge everyday between going on v / s giving up. It probably can also be interpreted as the edge of remaining sane v / s going insane... Anyway, I have often wondered, when everything is looking so bleak to the mind's eye, what makes me go through the day and make it to the next day. What is it that is causing this? Is Love what is giving me the strength? Love is a very fashionable word in my opinion. It is very easy to say we love someone. It is equally applicable to our love towards people, animals and things. In my opinion, Love gets manifested to reality with care and affection. That's how our love is expressed. Sure, I love my wife, children, family and friends. Everyone to different extent s depending on the degree of closeness or separation. But it has been many many years since I have really expressed any love through care towards anyone. In the initial period of the stroke, I was very very desperate to want t...
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