20211126 : Hitting the wall

Everyday I hit the wall... Several times...

Suppose I went to the gym. And the instructor asked me to use an equipment that was not in the gym. I would be wondering how to?

That was how the first couple of months was. Everyone asking me to do something - and I had no clue what was being asked. My head had no idea what or how to do anything with the body.

Every question was "out of syllabus"!

It's the first stage for my muscles - the feeling of not having any.

Then, after a long time, I went to the same gym. I was asked to do the dumbbells. Something I could see and hold.

Except they were 50kgs

I couldn't move it.

Incredibly "Weak" was the feeling.

That was the second stage - where I could feel it, know what to do - but just couldn't do it.

After sometime, same gym.

I was given 5kg dumbbells - and asked to lift it 100 times.

I could lift 5kgs easily. But beyond a dozen times or so, just could not continue. I could hold it, I could lift it, but had no endurance.

That was the third stage. Just could not sustain anything.

Sometime later, same gym. It's a 1 kg dumbbell. Easy enough. Except, it is welded to the ground.

I can see it, I can feel it, i should be able to do it. Yet I can't.

Its the "range of motion wall". I just keep banging on to it. It just won't budge.

Many things are like that. Whether my physio asks me to lift the leg higher, or swing the arm little more, or I try to turn my head more to the right, whether I try to open the jaw more, whether I try to move the tongue sideways, and many many more things...

It's not a feeling of weakness or lack of stamina. It feels like the movement is blocked by something beyond a point.

That's the fourth stage I am encountering.

My whole body is in one of these 4 stages. Very strange and weird feeling.

I keep banging on the wall hoping it will give way.

I am not sure if that wall is the boundary wall or when it gives way, it will simply reveal the next...