20211121 : fear of living

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Every day is the same...

Get up, physio, bath, sitting and standing, oral feeding, shift on to the wheelchair, exercises, shift back to bed and change, sleep. Peppered inbetween with feeds and lying in bed with the mobile. 

 I am tired and frustrated of it. 
I have often felt like giving up...

Yet I continue and go to the next day and do the same things.

I have wondered why? Why do I do it? What is the reason behind it? I know I am not very weak. But even that strength is not enough for this living. This existing...

I think it is more out of "fear". I am terrified of it actually. Continuing like this remainder of the life.

Not fear of dying. I think I have crossed that.

It's "fear" of living.

If I give up and stop doing stuff, it doesn't mean it will end. I will be just fed and kept alive like a vegetable. It will only prolong the misery. For me and everyone else. I am terrified of that...

I remember seeing in National geographic/Animal planet many times.

A cheetah is chasing a spring buck. After a long chase, the cheetah gives up and the buck gets away...

The cheetah is hungry, ferocious, faster than anything. Yet the buck gets away.

The cheetah is just running for it's meal. But the buck is running for it's life.

Difference in incentives.

In marketing/ advertising also, "fear" as an emotion is a much bigger incentive than "desire".

So the buck keeps running... Everyday, everytime... afraid that the cheetah might catch up....




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