20210926 : Memories...

When I had my stroke and got back to coherent thinking after a few weeks, I realised I had completely forgotten a few things. There was no order to it, like all things in a timeframe or some other pattern.. It was completely random. It was not like the feeling one gets when some details are forgotten about an incident. It was completely removed from memory like it never happened. Like it never happened in my life.

At the same time, some things from memory, which I have never remembered, or paid attention to, became absolutely crystal clear. Eg, I used to spend a lot of time when I was very young, monkeying on my rooftop. Stuff would pop up from there. The exact branches from our mango tree, the shape and even the bristles in the wooden stick - which I would pretend to be a sword, the way the zinc sheets were bolted down atop the shed I would climb, the grill on the ventilator atop the kitchen, I even remembered the shape of the cobwebs on that grill.

That amount of detail was unnerving sometimes.

Which makes me think - there is no limit to our memory. Its not a "disk space" that ever runs out. I have no guesses at how it might be stored. But, as far as our lifetime is concerned, it's probably infinite...

It is multi dimensional also I reckon. Stored as composite experiences. It's not uncommon to recollect a visual by smelling something similar. Or to recollect some experience by a sound, etc.

It's akin to having a complex and composite file, or a box to an experience - the whole file can be recalled by one of the constituent experiences.

I imagine a very huge, multiple storied library with aisles and aisles of racks and enough floor space to last one's lifetime, and these files are being created automatically and continuously, whether we like it or not.

Nothing ever is lost or overwritten. In reality, that is what we are right. If we can remember, it happened to us. If not, it's not us... 

But we can't remember everything. We forget many things over a period of time - naturally. And what about unnatural causes - like dementia/ Alzheimer's, other diseases. Or just an injury causing amnesia?

If nothing is overwritten or destroyed, how is this possible?

I think memory recollection is a 2 step process. There is a very vast, never ending library. And there is a limited index file - which points to where everything is.

It's that index file that says where to go to find an experience.

When we forget something, it doesn't mean that the memory is not there. It's entry no longer exists in the index.

Many degenerative diseases, injuries, etc. must be corrupting this index file. One can no longer recollect, I don't think it means it's not there.

When we age, I guess this index file gets smaller. Just gets worn out with time.. unusable space!

Since it has limited space, things have to be periodically removed - to make space for things we want to recollect. (Like a garbage collection process - if you will).

What time it occurs, I have no guesses. Maybe mostly when we sleep. Maybe when we are awake - day dreaming. Who knows. But surely  it automatically gets triggered when we are running short of space on the index file.

Also, what's the logic applied by the garbage collector? We remember old things but forget recent ones. We remember unimportant events while forgetting important ones, etc. No clue on the logic. Whatever it is, has to be a very very complex set of rules. 

It's all speculation of course. I'm sure medical folks will laugh if they heard this... 😂

I still can't form a theory or guess what might happen when we have general anesthesia. When nothing is registered or recollected. Do we temporarily stop memory formation? Do we just block access to the index file.. .

Is that what being concious is, forming memories...