20210627 : Mind space

I am not very sure what this note is about... Wrote it over a few days so all over the place. But here it is anyway...

Many times in the past few months, I have often thought about what I keep writing about and so frequently.

The frequent bit is quite straightforward for me to understand. I have stayed too long with no means to express anything and even now, since it's so frustrating to not speak, I just spew things unhindered on whatsapp. Even though I have usually been very sparse earlier.

But what I write about are both varied and slightly deep by my usual standards. So how did it happen? The stroke did not affect my thought patterns (brain stem has nothing to do with thinking). If anything I have lost a few memories, nothing else.

I have wondered several times what it is....

This is my theory: Space.

Not physical space but Mind space.

For almost 18 months, all I could do is think. After the initial turmoil, that's all I could do. 

So the natural thing to conclude is that I was overthinking all the time. Which is true, but after a while, there was nothing else to think about as I was doing nothing and no way to involve in anything. There was, if I can say, thinking fatigue of the same things.

This strangely, afforded me the mind space for a whole bunch of new thoughts. 

Its not like I wasn't thinking earlier. I was probably an over thinker. But because there was so much doing also, most of the thinking was about what I was doing (you have to think about what we are doing), even if not very involved, it does take a lot of thinking. Its not just work things, everything we do, we have to think about. And when i used to run out of that, its what to do next, tomorrow, etc... It was full. From waking till asleep, it was full.

There was no space to think about any new things or think deeply about stuff. There was a lot of width but no depth if i can say that...

So, being in this state led to observing things more. Seeing things in different perspectives, questioning my mind on various things usually not, etc.

It also gave me the ability to revisit some old thoughts, which was put off for later owing to being busy always (pay a visit to my pensive if you will)....

Sometimes, i was so blank, that some new thought would emerge. Something i wouldn't have thought of that way at all previously..

So, it wasn't some different mind, but newfound space where it was venturing...

In today's life/world, its probably very difficult to impossible to find this. We have normally/usually so much to do that we have got very used to this. I would go so far as to say we are addicted to it. We have withdrawal Symptoms when we have nothing to think about. The social media companies capitalise on this well, for they provide the fillers. Whenever we sense a low in activity, we reach for a device for there is something always happening and there is a sence of doing something as the mind is occupied..

My own case in point, the amount and ability to think about something has drastically reduced after i got the phone in my hand. I don't have any social media apps like facebook, twitter, instagram, linkedin, etc.Just whatsapp, email and some media apps to cast stuff to tv. Thats it and it does the trick for me.

Earlier, i used to know what feed was given, when, how much, what medicines they were mixing, etc. Now, sometimes, i wouldn't even have realised that the feed was given. Not, that it's important to know, but its very telling...

So, i feel everyone ows themselves some time. Its nearly impossible nowadays for complete seclusion for long periods of time. But once in a few days, for a couple of hours, its probably useful to be by oneself, completely unplugged and do nothing. I don't think this will help if we start to think and plan what to do next. It may help to think of thoughts which we thought we'll revisit (pensive) and contemplate on it..

I don't think this is a sort of meditation. Almost all books i have encountered, on meditation suggests to clear the mind of thoughts (which I have never been able to do). This is probably more like holding 1 thought we want and contemplating the hell out of it.

I do have something to say on devices, which I'll write later. For now, ya, im trying hard to reduce my addiction as much as I can. Lets see how much it'll work...