20210114 : My desire to eat

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In the initial days of stroke, i used to get very emotional when anyone had food or drink in front of me. I used to feel so very bad. It was gut wenching to struggle with a spoon of water and have someone glug down bottles of water.. or hearing which dishes were better at some restaurant or hear arguments as to what to order from swiggy...

Then i came home and everyone did a phenomenal job in being considerate not eating or bringing any food in front of me, except for the occassional tea. Coffee was still banned, fearing the aroma would set me off ( i still had the trac and couldnt smell anything). My poor daughter still struggles to hide the junk she eats..

Over a period i realised i was not that which triggered it when i saw foods. I thought over time i have adjusted and become less emotional.

But that wasnt the case. I have realised that the desire to eat something, apart from feeling hungry, is complex. Its like going to a restaurant and being given a menu. When you order something you recollect the sight, smell, taste and texture of what you order and anticipate it. Thats what makes up the full experience and memory.

Since i havent smelled anything for so long, no tasting or feeling it, and not seen it for so long also, i ve realised i dont recollect it also. I realised this when we were watching masterchef. Most things they spoke about, i couldnt imagine or recollect the flavout. Ex, when they spoke abt corriander, i saw the green leaves but i just couldnt imagine what its flavour is. Thats the reason i dont find masterchef that appealing anymore. Apart from the drama , i cant imagine anything they do.

So the desire of foods is completly gone now. I have junk foods, sweets, chips,etc in front of me and feel nothing whatsoever.

Only now, with oral intake, i am able to feel a little bit salt and sugar because of the soups and juices. I ask the nurses to add more salt or sugar and theyll be complaining its a lot. I am just trying to get back some taste....

PS: same holds for coffee. Why im not crazy about it anymore......



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