Mind of my Stroked Brain

I have considered pullin the plug many times. Its very sad when you have made up your mind but cant even see it through. Give the most potent poison and i cant swallow, the most effective implements and i can weild none.. i have begged many times to no avail... I have on occasions considered pulling all the tubes.. but i know that'll only take me as far as the ICU, which is hell on earth. Besides I have seen enough patients with their hands tied up, thats what happens if you dont succeed all the way!! So its just waiting for the limbs to get stronger. Even that is crawling along...

Almost everyone who has met me over the past 2 years, either personally or virtually, has taken a god's name, told me to have belief and faith and things will be alright. Honestly, if the plug was pulled fully last year, i might still have believed, but not like this. I have also been peddled the Karma philosophy a lot. When not just me, but everyone around me suffering so much, such coordinated karma is too fantastical to believe. Surely, clear directions and gps coordinates to hell on earth has been found! Yes, i acknowledge the small improvements over time. But i believe its due to consistent efforts by everyone around me, not by some devine help, but despite it! 😡