Mind of my Stroked Brain

Hello all, Apologies in advance as this will kick up some dust or offend others. But its a thought thats been bothering me for a long time now and rather than avoid it, as i was not coming up with any answers, i thought I should put it out and see if i find something... It's a very philosophical question, but very real and not hypothetical .. When i had my stroke, i was depressed, frustrated, desperate, etc. and hoped everyday would somehow be the last .. just couldn't bear the thought of carrying on... It could have been anyone, i just pulled the short straw... Fast forward 26 months and I'm no longer depressed, or desperate, or frustrated , but the thought of "pulling the plug" remains... Now, its a very rational and pracital question... For more than 2 years i have seen everyone around me struggle. The emotional burden i have become and not to mention the financial ruin i have set everyone in... Of course everyone around me will deny its a problem and carry on.

Good day to you all. Today is my 2nd Strokeversary I had a massive bascilar stroke on 6th feb 2019. I was 43yrs then and led a reasonably healthy lifestyle. It was just a freak incident... By the time my family and friends took me to 2 hospitals, did mri scans, got opinions , ambulance confusions etc . I think it was about 7 hours before i landed up with surgery for removing the clot. Given the state of things, i am surprised it was even managed by that time and i am grateful for my family and friends and the doctors who treated me. They say i was consciousness next day, but i was in some other land of hallucinations and imaginations and don't recollect anything for the 3 weeks in ICU and incoherent understanding for another 2 Weeks. After that my mind has been perfectly alright till date  The body however is a whole other story..  After i had the stroke, i had no movement at all. For a few weeks, i could only blink my eyes. I couldn't move the eyeballs either.... 2 years later

On the day when i had the stroke, some very interesting things happened. The instant I had the stroke, the very instant, i saw it happening. I say i saw it, because i was seeing it from not inside myself but outside. The view was somewhere near my feet, a bit above. I was sleeping on my stomach with my face turned left. I clearly saw somebodys hand, actually not full hand, just palm reach to my right shoulder, just close to the neck, and yank at  it. It  tore the flesh, made a loud ripping noise like you get when you rip a velcro. And the whole body moved down a few inches. The next instand i was back seeing from inside, as usual... The room was spinning, and i threw up next to the bed..i remember thinking its vertigo caused by anxiety and stress and i ll be fine in a few days. I remember one of my managers having had it in Melb a few  years ago and was out of action for a few days. I was very anxious that day as we were having a team from a big company from uk visiting us in the morn