Mind of my Stroked Brain

The "mind ahead" problem: Basically, my hand and fingers move very slowly. I have to put the phone on th lap so i can type one key at a time with one finger very slowly. I cant see the message on the screen at this angle as im typing it. The mind is running at the usual pace and the finger it trying desperately to cath up. The result, letters get dropped from words and small words from sentenses. Best part is the mind doesnt even realise it. It thinks everything is ok. Only in the end of a msg  and i lift the phone and read it fully, do i realize the amount of mistakes and correct them. Its a very amusing problem when the brain messes with you .😀 Thats what i have termed "Mind Ahead" problem...

I have considered pullin the plug many times. Its very sad when you have made up your mind but cant even see it through. Give the most potent poison and i cant swallow, the most effective implements and i can weild none.. i have begged many times to no avail... I have on occasions considered pulling all the tubes.. but i know that'll only take me as far as the ICU, which is hell on earth. Besides I have seen enough patients with their hands tied up, thats what happens if you dont succeed all the way!! So its just waiting for the limbs to get stronger. Even that is crawling along...

Almost everyone who has met me over the past 2 years, either personally or virtually, has taken a god's name, told me to have belief and faith and things will be alright. Honestly, if the plug was pulled fully last year, i might still have believed, but not like this. I have also been peddled the Karma philosophy a lot. When not just me, but everyone around me suffering so much, such coordinated karma is too fantastical to believe. Surely, clear directions and gps coordinates to hell on earth has been found! Yes, i acknowledge the small improvements over time. But i believe its due to consistent efforts by everyone around me, not by some devine help, but despite it! 😡